Entry Level Writing Requirement

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Sample Examinations: 1987 | 2014

Universitywide Subject A Examination of 1987

Essay Topic | Top Essays | Essays scoring 5 | Essays scoring 4 | Unsatisfactory Essays

Sample Essays and Comments -"Unsatisfactory" Essays

Essay #10 Score 3:

Kluckhohn explains the differences and similarities among people of the world as culture. Culture, in this instance, spans a variety of areas. To begin with, culture is the way a person was raised. In addition, it's the values a person was taught. Finally, culture is related to man's biological needs. Habits that a person is taught as a youngster will influence the rest of his life.

Societies have a tendency to have distinct habits that their people live by, First, education is one example. To explain, in some areas of the world children are sent to school until they are 18 and in others they are never educated. Second, what people eat is part of their culture. In Italy people eat pasta on the other hand in Israel people eat fallafels. Finally, a person's dress is influenced by which society he lives in. To further explain, in the U.S. women wear anything from dresses to pants, but currently in Iran women wear dresses only and must wear a veil to cover their face. Certain societies have values that influence their people.

Different civilizations have distinct social values. First, marriages are treated differently. In the U.S. most women feel that polygamy by a man isn't acceptable. Women feel jealous and furthermore it is illegal. On the other hand, a woman of Koryak, Siberia, would not comprehend how a woman could be so selfish and so unwanting of another woman in the house as to wish to restrict her husband to one mate. Certain countries also have religion while others don't. For example, in the U.S.S.R. atheism is the way of the State; in many Mid-East countries Mohammed is worshipped and the Koran is a sacred book. Third, bigotry is not something people are born with, but are taught. Little children play with anyone regardless of color, sex, or religion. Unfortunatly, adults become jealous or dislike a person, and instead of disliking the individual, they will dislike the individual's race, religion, sex, or anything else they can find to dispise. The adults will then teach the children their beliefs and the hatred becomes a never ending chain. Similarities are shown by the fact that man has biological functions that can't be ignored.

Men of all societies can't ignore nature. To start, all men have the same life cycle. This cycle is that all men are born and all men eventually die. Furthermore, no matter what one puts on the body, a man is still a man and a woman is still a woman. In other words, men and women in all societies usually have a tendency to have strong desires towards each other. These desires can be physical or emotional, but they are usually evident. Finally, all men are limited by "mother nature." Certain societies might have a different skin color than another, but all men are limited in what they can eat and personal tools. Certain men cannot eat steel while others can. Furthermore, the only man that is known to fly is Superman, and he has yet to come off the movie screen.

Kluckhohn's explanation of the differences and similarities between the world's peoples appears very logical. People are influenced by habits they were raised by. Furthermore, what ideas humans are taught bears an impact on their lives. Finally, all men are limited by their own physical being.

Comment: This response is a Five-Paragraph Essay, written to formula. It announces three subjects in its first paragraph; it introduces three subtopics in each "body" paragraph; it reiterates -- rather joltingly -- each new subject in the final sentence of the preceding paragraph; it begins its discussion of each subtopic with a transitional expression, appropriate or not. Like many essays so devoted to form, however, this one fails to engage the assigned tasks in any meaningful way. When the essay actually does try to report Kluckhohn's views, it misrepresents him: "Kluckhohn explains the differences and similarities among people of the world as culture," (paragraph 1); "Certain men cannot eat steel while others can" (paragraph 4). Instead of explaining Kluckhohn's views and formulating a response to them, the writer usually lists random claims about different cultures. A much more successful use of a similar organizational strategy -- a use that engages cogently Kluckhohn's central point about the distinction between biology and culture -- can be seen in Essay #3.

While not as simple as those in Essay #13, the sentences of Essay #11 tend to be short and unvaried. Taken with its failure to develop any single example or point, these sentences make the essay seem simple-minded. Though it has few grammatical errors, this essay shows that its writer needs a course in reading accurately and writing analytically before satisfying the Subject A requirement.

Essay #11 Score 3:

Now, Show us the Colors of your Rainbow

In Clyde Kluckhohn's passage, adapted from his book, Mirror for Man, we are given an illumination of anthropology on the concept of culture. He explains that culture is not only derived by "the way we are brought up," but also personal past experiences and the biological properties of the people concerned. As humans we have learned to adapt to our own personal surroundings and have conditioned ourselves and our life styles to revolve around such surroundings by the most comfortable means possible.

As Kluckhohn describes, the technical term of culture has a broader meaning to the anthropologist than the "humble cooking pot", and the "people of culture." He implies that the anthropologist needs to be concerned with all aspects and biological conditions involved that have shaped a society. Humans can be easily understood just by studying their surroundings, and as Kluckhohn has stated, "they can also be easily predicted by knowing a people's design for living."

Kluckhohn describes, that as Americans, we strive for our own personal individuality and appearance; but yet as Americans, or for that matter any nationality, we still basically follow the same given patterns throughout the day. We have conditioned ourselves to such an extent, that our personal routines are done unconsciously. As a society, though, we reflect that given pattern, and when comparing it to another society, we are able to see how the cultures are individual and unique from one another. Such uniqueness is what Kluckhohn is refering to; the American plural wives belief of Siberia compared to the single wife in America, the cultural training and mannerism of the Chinese, and the eating mannerisms of a wife in Arizona. Basically, all of these cultures live under the same laws of nature, and are equiped with the same biological tools. Their uniqueness arises from the individual conditions that their surroundings offer, and their means by which of adapting to them.

Having lived in London last year, for my junior year, I am able to relate to the viewpoints of Kluckhohn; as I traveled to many places dripping with their own uniqueness and culture. In London, I experienced the afternoon tea break and although not conforming to it, the societies acceptance of bathing only a few times a week. In Holland, I depended on bicycles as my main source of transportation for miles around, and viewed the old windmills and thatched roofs that are so typical in the country. In Spain, I watched the old women with carved faces from the intense sun and bandanas tied around their heads, hearding their goats in the fields. In Switzerland, I experienced the uniqueness of the quaint villages clinging to the hillsides, with little houses made to resemble gingerbread houses. Their only means of transportation was the narrow train that went up the mountain twice a day, as they prohibited cars. There, they had the old men hearding their cows down the hillsides, proud of the leader; the one with the biggest bell around its neck. I even feasted on the traditional fondu and sausage that is found to be so typical of Switzerland.

Each of their cultures and customs were unique from one another, as they relied on their own surroundings and the values passed on from their forefathers. The facts of the nature surrounding them, limited their abilities, and each society adapted to it the best they knew how. Although, today, we are smuthered with modern conveniences and technology, these societies conditioned themselves long ago and are continuing to live by their traditional standards.

In Clyde Kluckhohn's passage, we are able to interpret and understand the definition of culture through the eyes of an anthropologist. It is a mixture of the way we were brought up (as the traditions of the past directly effect us), our individual past experiences, and the potentialities found in the equipment that nature and biology have given us. With these experiences and limitations, we have adapted to our surroundings to such an extent, that our personal routines are done almost automatically.

Comment: Essay #11 shows a basic understanding of the parts of the writing task and an attempt to respond appropriately. Its first three paragraphs, however, seem unable to focus on the central distinction Kluckhohn makes between the similarities created by biology and the differences created by culture; though this idea finally appears at the end of paragraph three, the preceding discussion suggests a writer unable to select purposefully from Kluckhohn's presentation rather than summarizing the whole. The sentence concluding paragraph three points up a related difficulty: like several other statements (end paragraph 1; end paragraph 2; sentence 2, paragraph 5), the assertion "Their uniqueness arises from the individual conditions that their surroundings offer" gives the external environment an importance in shaping culture that Kluckhohn denies it. The essay's account of Kluckhohn is thus, in at least one important way, inaccurate as well as unfocused. A similar lack of focus can be seen in paragraph four, the account of the writer's European travels. Admittedly the liveliest part of the essay, the paragraph does not explain how the details it cites show the influence of the cultural values or surroundings mentioned in paragraph five, nor how they illustrate Kluckhohn's ideas about the relationship between biology and culture.

Though this essay usually displays an acceptable range of sentence structure and is not overburdened with grammar and usage errors, its phrasing suggests a writer trying to impress by using "elevated" words and syntax. As a result, Essay #11's phrasing is frequently awkward and imprecise. Some examples: "an illumination of anthropology," "derived by," "conditioning ourselves and our life styles to revolve around such surroundings" (all paragraph 1); "the eating mannerisms of a wife in Arizona" and "their means by which of adapting to them" (both paragraph 3); "Although today we are smuthered with modern conveniences and technology, these societies conditioned themselves long ago . . ." (paragraph 5). Frequently the writer also seems uncertain about when and how to use commas, colons, and semicolons. Essay #11 shows a writer whose command of expository writing at every level will be strengthened by taking a writing course to satisfy the Subject A requirement.

Essay #12 Score 3:

Kluckhohn explained the differences and similarities among the world's peoples by taking different life examples of different cultured people and campared them to another person who was raised up in a different lifestyle. At first, he brought up several questions, asking why certain people do or don't do certain things. These questions were served as guides, which led on to the examples. They also served as attraction to the readers who are curious about different people from another culture. Then he went on to compare people from different cultures in his examples. He compared an American woman, who restricts her husband to only one mate, with a Koryak woman, who shares her husband with another woman; an American raised in China with the Americans raised here in the United States; and lastly, he compared people's reactions from eating the meat of chicken or tuna fish to that of a rattlesnake.

Kluckhohn has a strong point in viewing human's culture. I agree with his definition of culture -- "the part of the environment that is the creation of human beings." People reacts to things differently because they were raised up in different environments with different cultures. No matter who the person is, or where he (or she) was born, his behavior and his personality traits developments would depend on the environment that he is living in. The way people think, feel, react, and behave also are depended upon life experiences. They feel different emotions because they have felt this emotional happiness or sadness before. They think what is right and what is wrong because they have learned from past experiences. They react to different things because they experienced things that please them and the things that displease them. They behave in certain ways because they want to design their way of living into what they have admired from other people's lives.

I was born in Hong Kong, the school systems and the people living there are very strict in comparing with the United States. Over in Hong Kong, students go to school for seven hours and then they would go home and spend another seven or eight hours on homeworks. The school systems really forces you to study and do your homework to stay up with the rest of the class. But yet, the students would accept the homeworks assignments without complaining because they are use to doing so much homeworks and taking the pressure. But as for the United States, if the teacher would give a little more homework or even a quiz, the students would complain so much that you wouldn't believe. I would imagine the average time that an American student would spend to do their homework is maybe three hours per day. I think that this also has a lot to do with the parents of the students. Chinese parents were known to be strict, they raise up their children strictly and limiting their social life. Naturally, the students when they grow up would be more inward and coping the behavior of their parents. But as for here, students were raised up more freely. They have more social life and more things to think about because they are not all limited by their parents. Therefore, they are more outgoing and are more relaxing. People are just the way that they were raised. Raising up in different culture is going to effect the developments of people's behaviors, feelings, personalities, and thinkings. Their attitudes toward things are created and shaped as they experience different situations and by the ideas which they have gotten from their culture.

Comment: Essay #12 shows that its author understands the passage and the task and tries to respond to them appropriately. Discussing the rhetoric of the Kluckhohn passage, the writer states the relationship between Kluckhohn's questions and examples, and explains how Kluckhohn's general method -- comparison -- is worked out in his specific examples. The essay's second paragraph affirms the influence of culture and discusses -- in a way related to Kluckhohn, but not mentioned by him -- how people model themselves on people whose behavior they admire. The third paragraph draws on the writer's experience to show how parental and societal attitudes towards education make for differing student experiences in the United States and Hong Kong. Though it omits any consideration of the similarities caused by biology, the essay's sequence of ideas outlines what could be a marginally acceptable response to the topic.

In spite of some generally acceptable rhetoric and development, however, this essay's language shows its writer's need for preparatory writing instruction -- possibly instruction specifically for non-native speakers. Though it shows a more secure mastery of literate vocabulary and sophisticated syntax than does Essay #15, this essay has significant accumulation and variety of errors in grammar and usage: confusion of -ing and -ed verbals ("by taking different life examples . . . and compared" [paragraph 1]; "more outgoing and more relaxing" [paragraph 3]; misuse of passive verbs ("questions were served as guides," paragraph 1; "the way . . . are depended upon life experiences," paragraph 2); non-idiomatic verb tenses ("the environment that he is living in," paragraph 2) or inconsistent tenses ("students go to school . . . and then would go home;" "Chinese parents were known . . . they raise up . . .," paragraph 3); use of non-idiomatic prepositions ("design into," "admired from," paragraph 2); pluralizing count nouns ("homeworks," "developments," and "thinkings," paragraph 3). In spite of some strengths, this essay shows that its writer needs to develop more consistent control of written English before satisfying the Subject A requirement.

Essay #13 Score 2:

Culture has always been something very important to all of us. No two cultures are alike. Each person has a different view on culture. In the reading ""Mirror for Man"" written by Kluckhohn culture is explained in different ways. His views about culture are very impressive. There are differences and similarities in peoples world's.

We all have some kind of culture. We all act the way we were raise. The way we were raise can vary from one family to the other. One family can raise their children the way the father was raise. Another family can raise them the way the mother was raise. It is the same in all cultures each family will choose one side of their family. Our habbits deppend a lot on where we live and who we live with. We also think different deppending on were we live. For example as mention in the reading "we brush our teeth on arising . . . we eat three meals a day.". For the most part, people do brush their teeth in the morning and do have three meals a day. This makes no difference in were they live. The pattern is the same for most people.

There seem to be more differences in culture then there are similarities. As Kluckhohn mentioned before about American woman "She cannot understand how any woman can fail to be jealous and uncomfortable if she must share her husband with other women." On the other hand we have the "Koryak woman of Siberia" She "would find it hard to understand how a woman could be so selfish and so undesirous of feminine companionship in the home as to wish to restrict her husband to one mate." The difference in sharing a husband is simply because of the place in where they live and also the way they were brought up. A person can be Mexican and act American. It can be possible is the person was brought to the U.S. and raise here. I have a friend he was born in Mexico. His father is American his mother Mexican. At the age of four he was brought to the U.S. and has been living here since then. He was raise the American way. He dosen't speak well spanish and lives different from the Mexicans way. His mother dosen't really talk to him in spanish and that is why his spanish is not so good. Most of his friends are english speaking friends. It doesn't matter were a person is born. What matters is the culture in which the person is being raise in.

As we have seen the examples given by the author are examples we can clearly understand. We can see that culture is very important and also very different. No to countries can have the same culture. Even a state near the border is different. It can be similar in somethings but not in all. The culture of the person would always deppend on the environment, laws that people have to go by, and the person they live with. It is also good to our advantage to have different cultures. Otherwise if we all had the same culture it would be a bore. No-one would enjoy other foods, other ways of looking at things. No-one would appreciate art from another country. It is great to have different cultures. It is also fun because we can expirence many new things.

COMMENT: Essay #13 shows serious weaknesses in coherence at all levels. Although it suggests that its writer has a general understanding that Kluckhohn asserts the primacy of culture in determining how we live, and provides in paragraph three an example of a Mexican boy raised in the United States to support Kluckhohn's point, this essay also disregards a significant part of the first task: in spite of the last sentence in paragraph one, it does not say anything about how Kluckhohn accounts for similarities among the world's peoples, and completely disregards biology's influence. Instead, it elaborates the writer's ideas about the importance of upbringing -- finally, however, converting Kluckhohn's description of specifically American behavior patterns into a paradigm "for most people" at the end of paragraph two. This conclusion fits strangely with the essay's assertions about "the way we were raise" at the beginning of paragraph two, as does the example of the Mexican boy after the summary of Kluckhohn's contrast of Koryak and American women's differing ideas about polygamy.

Essay #13's lack of coherence in paragraph development is mirrored by its primer prose. Its sentences are almost all very short -- ten words or less -- and few make use of grammatical subordination. Lacking links to each other, they seem to be a series of unconnected assertions. Along with occasional problems in syntax ("place in where they live") and verb formation ("was raise"), this essay's deficiencies in coherence suggest that its writer needs intensive writing instruction before satisfying the Subject A requirement.

Essay #14 Score 2:

Human Beings and their Behavior

There are many views of Kluckhohn that explains human behavior. Kluckhohn quotes anthropologist: "because people were brought up that way", which he believes to be shrewd common sense. As children, we are building our behavior. So it is not the way we are brought up, it is the culture we are raised in. Each specific culture has its history and literature that expresses life activities.

An Example of cultural differences is a persons maritual statis. Americans believe haveing more than one spouse is abhorrent. Other cultures that believe in haveing more than one spouse probably don't have a high divorce rate as Americans do. Even though having 2 or 3 spouses may seem like a sin, in a way it is really a blessing.

In spite of peoples cultural differences, Kluckhohn states peoples biological equipment is about the same. Such as birth, illness, old age, and death. All people undergo the same experiences. The pattern of day each culture must have a simular way. The ways are probably a little different. But the cleaning of the body and eating should be the same.

In the newspaper, about a week ago, there was an article about a young girl refusing to dissect a frog because of cultural beliefs. To others this may seem incompotent, but to her it was a sin. The girl was asked to dissect this frog in her science class and if she didn't she would receive a failure notice. Others should try and accept her belief instead of giving her a choice of doing the dissection or failing the class. This is an example of the "either-or" Kluckhohn stated. He says a compromise between nature and the special form of nuture we call culture is abstract.

The reader can agree with Kluckhohn's conclusion on human behavior. The cultural differences justify differences in human thinking. Each cultures history builds the peoples character to believe their culture is true. The human biology and natural laws evolve from the inner human nature of all of us. Kluckhohn justifies this and helps the reader's comprehension of human behavior.

Comment: Essay #14 creates a strong impression of disjointedness. Its incoherence arises from several sources. First, the essay reports Kluckhohn's views in ways that are unclear, and that sometimes suggest basic misunderstanding: for example, the essay asserts that Kluckhohn states an "either-or" about nature and nurture, and that he also claims that the two can be joined in "compromise" that is somehow "abstract" (paragraph 4); it opposes "culture" to "the way we are brought up" (paragraph 1), when for Kluckhohn these terms are synonymous. The essay also lacks any apparent plan. As the reader begins each paragraph, it is unclear even what topic will be treated in it, let alone what idea about that topic the paragraph will develop. Finally, the essay frequently veers off into what appears to be thinking still in progress. In paragraphs two and three, the final sentences seem to represent the writer's own personal speculations about mental status and biology -- speculations that are not made accessible to the reader or given any significance in the essay as a whole. In much the same way, the dissection example in paragraph four must have had meaning for the writer that is not explained to the reader, for whom it is simply inappropriate as a test case for Kluckhohn's views.

The prose of this essay also seems disjointed. Among the specific features contributing to this impression are agreement errors ("views . . . that explains", paragraph 1); incomplete comparisons ("don't have a high divorce rate as Americans do" paragraph 2); sentence fragments ("Such a . . ." and "The pattern . . . ," paragraph 3); and false complementations ("biological equipment . . . such as birth, illness, old age, and death" paragraph 3). Like Essay #13, this essay suggests a need for intensive instruction before its writer will be ready to satisfy the Subject A requirement.

Essay #15 Score 2:

Professor Clyde Kluckhohn explains the differences and similarities among the world's people as a result of the cultural differences, and the biological make up contributes little to it. I disagree to such statment. The diversities of culture in the world we live in is effected by the inheritage, family environment, and the degree of education.

Californians; are crazy about sushi, the kind of food that has not emerged when the pilgrims first arrived on this new land. If people get in a certain manner just because they have been brought up that way, then why can Californians change their traditional preference of tast and except a new form of "bizard" food from Japanese culture, not to mention that sushi is not cooked.

However, not everyone in California enjoy the opportunity of experiencing a great variety of continental food. Some people have inherited traits from their parents thus they will accustome to new form of food that does not belong to their culture, but others can'not. Family environment plays an important role here to increase a person's ability in adapting other culture. As a foreign students from Taiwan, I am used to American way of living. Partly because I have a very westerized grand mother who could speak English. Even though I have spend most of my childhood in a chinese cultural society (attending high school, restricted by Chinese social value), the influence of my grand mother has helped me in adapting American culture faster than average people.

The degree of education a person had is another important factor when we explain the differences and similarities of people in this world. Racism or look down on a particular culture are the attitudes developed by lack of education. Hitler might have come out the conclusion that the elite race is light hair and blue eyes people, but in Taiwan, chinese people usually feel strage and kind of look down on anybody who is "light hair and blue eyes." They are not educated enough to feel that the physical appearance does not represent one's inner abyss -- the way how a person thinks. This has caused numerous warfares and racial conflicts throughout the human history. A great defect in human race.

Professor Kluckhohn is right on the explanation of the similarities of people in our world: "All people undergo the same poignant life experiences... The biological potentialities of the species are blocks with which cultures are built."1 Nevertheless, inhertiage, family, environment, and degree of education are also the main contributions to the differences and similarities of our civilization today.

Comment: This essay attempts to counter Kluckhohn's assertions about the influence of culture on our lives by arguing instead for the importance of "inheritage, family environment, and degree of education," influences which the writer apparently views as separate from culture. (As a refutation, it can be compared with essay #2, which attempts something similar). Adventurous as this response is, the difficulties that mark the essay appear almost immediately: in the first sentence, the writer mistakenly reports that for Kluckhohn not just the differences but also the similarities of the world's people are "a result of cultural differences." The second paragraph, which apparently should demonstrate the influence of "inheritage," instead shows how heritage can be disregarded. Much as do the equivalent paragraphs in Essay #14, paragraphs three and four veer away from the essential issue. In this case, instead of establishing the influence of family environment and degree of education as distinct from culture, paragraphs three and four make observations about the writer's ease of assimilation and the role of ignorance in causing wars. Never does the essay make clear what relationship these forces have to what Kluckhohn defines as culture.

Though this essay shows greater fluency and control of English syntax than does Essay #18, it still includes many indications of a need for intensive instruction in written English. Besides the sentence fragments and agreement errors typical of most essays at this level, this essay includes coined or misused words ("inheritage," "inner abyss," "continental foods"), incorrectly formed verbs ("I have spend," paragraph 3; "food that has not emerged," paragraph 2), confusion of mass and count nouns ("warfares," paragraph 5), misused articles ("adapting other culture," paragraph 3; "throughout the human history," paragraph 4), and non-idiomatic prepositions ("disagree to," paragraph 1; "arrived on this new land," paragraph 2). Essay #15 shows a need for intensive specialized instruction before its writer can satisfy the Subject A requirement.

Essay #16 Score 1:

In Kluckhohn passage he states how people think, feel and behave from different cultures. How the human being trys to understand themselves as a people. Their reactions and behaviors. He explains that people of different cultures react differently because of the way one has been raised. It is a life time process it is passed on from generation to generation. How one is raised during their childhood would mostly reflect on how they will raise their own children. Also the Environment plays a major role in the many different cultures. The living conditions such as: shelter, transportation, education, work and the different food and how they are prepared.

In many cultures one may speak and write differently. The appearance of the cultures are different. But along with the many cultures we are all humans we wash and put on clothes. We do the same things but in a different culture.

In Kluckhohn passage he sates that the American women could not understand how one can share their husband with another mate which is very true. When the Koryak or African women could never be selfish.
The people of all human groups have the same biological equipment. All people under go the same life experiences birth, helplessness, illness, old age, and death.

The differences are between the sexes, the ages, physical strength, and skills of an individual. The facts of nature limits the understanding of the cultural forms. For instance one may laugh or make rude accusations toward another culture because of their ignorance of the culture. Many cultures have been taught to despise other cultures. And so many will never know the interesting things of other cultures.

Comments: Although this response does suggest some general understanding of Kluckhohn's ideas about culture and biology, it almost never goes beyond curt restatement of those ideas to any assertions of its own. Even given these limited ambitions, this response occasionally shows serious deficiencies in reporting the passage's content (the discussion of "Environment," paragraph 1; the mention of "African women," paragraph 3). Sometimes this response also appropriates as its own the wording of the Introductory Note or the passage (first sentence, paragraph 1; paragraphs 3 and 4; first two sentences, paragraph 5).

These difficulties in responding to the topic are matched by recurrent problems in sentence structure and mechanics. The sentences all seem to stand alone as independent statements; few links join them. Some word groups punctuated as sentences lack verbs, many are fragments for other reasons. in addition, Essay #16's sentences include repeated lapses in parallelism, subject-verb agreement, and the use of apostrophes.

Essay #17 Score:

Kluckhohn's passage from his book "Mirror for Man" describes human behavior as a cultural web. Whether it be the Koryak woman of Siberia sharing her husband and the American woman finding such action "instinctively abhorrent.", everyone has thier own cultural beliefs. These different beliefs are the many paths that a web has. Kluckhohn explains that a person's culture is passed on from one generation to another. From the moment of birth the child's mind is embedded with certain beliefs. Often times the child's beliefs can be affected by society. Such as the man of American blood who felt more comfortably in China only because he had been raised there.

Comment: Essay #17 exemplifies the scoring guide's provision that a "1" response may be "inappropriately brief." Viewed as the product of two hours' work, this single paragraph does "suggest severe difficulties in reading and writing conventional English." This response never moves beyond summary, though its third sentence suggests that its writer might have planned to elaborate on the significance of Kluckhohn's metaphor of the cultural web.

Perhaps because of its brevity, this response does not display the number and variety of errors to be found in most essays scored "1." It even shows some syntactic sophistication in the way two of its sentences begin ("Whether it be..."; "From the moment of birth"). In its short course, though, the response has a sprinkling of increasingly serious lapses: "Whether... and" and "thier" (sentence two); "felt more comfortably" in the final sentence -- which is a fragment.

Essay #18 Score:

Why do people lived in Orient different from the people lived in America? Is it because the culture backround difference? or Is it matter in landscape? According to Clyde Kluckhohn, professor of anthropology at Hardvard University, he defines culture as the creation of human beings. The differences among the world's people are in their customs, language, history, literature, and so on. The similarities among the world's people are we put cloths on when we feel cold, we eat meals when we're hungry and we sleep in bed. Many of these acts are not due to accidental or caused by supernatural force. It's the pattern not to our own making, but to the human behavior.

Sometimes we're not intent to act or think, but our basic survivability tell us to put on cloths when we feel cold, and eat when we're hungry. The culture separates the West customs from East customs. People think differently, speak different language, and eat differently are all base upon on their culture. I think Professor Kluckhohn gives a positive thesis about human beings.

From my own experience I know America is far different than Taiwan. In Taiwan, neighbors are more dependable on each other. Not like America, neighbors mines in only their business. Americans are open and liberal. But in Taiwan, people are shy and conservity.

People think, feel and behavior are deeply depended on their culture. Not because the weather is different or having different instincts.

Comentment: Essay #18 shows a writer apparently without sufficient knowledge of English to respond acceptably to the task. The essay shows a basic grasp of how to proceed: paragraph one's questions demonstrate that the author has some awareness of one way to catch a reader's interest; paragraphs two and three show a general understanding of Kluckhohn's ideas; paragraph four cites the author's experience to confirm them. Throughout, however, severely limited language handicaps the essay. When the essay is most fluent, in paragraph two, it is also closely paraphrased from Kluckhohn -- in this case, from his paragraphs three and four. Even there, limited command of usage creates non-English expressions ("due to accidental" and "pattern not to our own making").


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