Untitled Document

The seventeenth Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination (formerly known as Subject A Examination) will be administered the morning of May 13, 2006, at testing centers throughout the state of California.

All students who will enter the University of California directly from California high schools in fall of 2006 must take the Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination unless by April 1, 2006, the University has on record for them a test score that satisfies the Entry Level Writing requirement:

Early in April, all incoming California freshmen (native speakers and non-native speakers of English) who have not met the Subject A requirement will receive an e-mail or letter directing them to the test centers at which they must appear on May 13.

In mid-June, they will receive letters notifying them whether or not they have passed the Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination.

Other Ways of Fulfilling the Requirement

Students may take the Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination only once. Nevertheless, students who do not pass the University AWPE in May can still satisfy the Entry Level Writing Requirement before enrolling in the University by:

Students who have not satisfied the Entry Level Writing Requirement at the time they enroll in their classes must take and pass with a grade of C or better, a writing course designated by their campus for satisfying the Entry Level Writing Requirement.

Analytical Writing Placement Examination Process

Developing the Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination

EACH YEAR new Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examinations are developed. Every summer four faculty members from the University's writing and ESL programs find several passages that seem promising as stimuli for writing, and draft essay topics. After considerable review, the four faculty members decide which new exercises are sufficiently promising to be pretested. Usually seven or eight out of about 20 are selected.

This Test Development Team sends these new exercises to the chair of the Universitywide AWPE Committee, who arranges for the new exercises to be pretested early in fall term writing classes on several UC campuses. Students in these classes in ESL courses, courses satisfying the Entry Level Writing requirement, and courses with Entry Level Writing requirement as a prerequisite write essays to the new exercises, and fill in a brief questionnaire about their responses to the passage and the topic.

The team reviews a sample of these essays at a fall meeting and recommends to the Universitywide AWEP Committee exercises that resulted in well-written responses, and which most students in the pretest understood and liked. The Universitywide AWPE Committee then meets to review a large number of the pretest essays. They consider how well the student writers understood the passage, what they had to say in response to the topic, and that the essays written by students who had not yet satisfied the Entry Level Writing requirement were clearly distinguishable from the essays of students who had satisfied the requirement. As a result of their independent review of the writing exercises, the Universitywide AWEP Committee recommends to the University Committee on Preparatory Education (UCOPE) the exercises which they believe are ready to be administered — usually three or four.

At its December meeting, UCOPE, the Academic Senate body responsible for the Entry Level Writing requirement, makes the final choice of the examination to be administered the following May.

Setting the Passing Standard

IN 1986, UCOPE set the general standard for passing by approving the AWPE Scoring Guide. There also is a regular annual procedure for applying these general standards to each new examination. From the pretest essays, the Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination Committee assembles a set of papers representing the weakest to the strongest performance. Members reach their own consensus about the scores these papers should receive. They then provide this set of papers to UCOPE. At its March meeting UCOPE reviews these essays and decides independently on the scores. (In almost all cases both committees assign the same scores to the papers.) These essays and their UCOPE scores set the standard by which the chief reader and the room leaders choose essays from the May administration to exemplify the standards for all the readers who score papers in June.

AWPE Scoring Guide

IN HOLISTIC READING , raters assign each essay to a scoring category according to its dominant characteristics. The categories below describe the characteristics typical of papers at six different levels of . All the descriptions take into account that the papers they categorize represent two hours of reading and writing, not a more extended period of drafting and revision.

A 6 paper commands attention because of its insightful development and mature style. It presents a cogent response to the text, elaborating that response with well-chosen examples and persuasive reasoning. The 6 paper shows that its writer can usually choose words aptly, use sophisticated sentences effectively, and observe the conventions of written English.

A 5 paper is clearly competent. It presents a thoughtful response to the text, elaborating that response with appropriate examples and sensible reasoning. A 5 paper typically has a less fluent and complex style than a 6, but does show that its writer can usually choose words accurately, vary sentences effectively, and observe the conventions of written English.

A 4 paper is satisfactory, sometimes marginally so. It presents an adequate response to the text, elaborating that response with sufficient examples and acceptable reasoning. Just as these examples and this reasoning will ordinarily be less developed than those in 5 papers, so will the 4 paper's style be less effective. Nevertheless, a 4 paper shows that its writer can usually choose words of sufficient precision, control sentences of reasonable variety, and observe the conventions of written English.

A 3 paper is unsatisfactory in one or more of the following ways. It may respond to the text illogically; it may lack coherent structure or elaboration with examples; it may reflect an incomplete understanding of the text or the topic. Its prose is usually characterized by at least one of the following: frequently imprecise word choice; little sentence variety; occasional major errors in grammar and usage, or frequent minor errors.

A 2 paper shows serious weaknesses, ordinarily of several kinds. It frequently presents a simplistic, inappropriate, or incoherent response to the text, one that may suggest some significant misunderstanding of the text or the topic. Its prose is usually characterized by at least one of the following: simplistic or inaccurate word choice; monotonous or fragmented sentence structure; many repeated errors in grammar and usage.

A 1 paper suggests severe difficulties in reading and writing conventional English. It may disregard the topic's demands, or it may lack any appropriate pattern of structure or development. It may be inappropriately brief. It often has a pervasive pattern of errors in word choice, sentence structure, grammar, and usage.

The Universitywide Requirement
and Examination — Its Place in the University Curriculum

More than a century ago, the University of California first defined the competence designated as Subject A. In the list of admissions requirements in the 1897-98 "Register," Subject A, (then called "Oral and Written Expression") was defined as the ability to use English "correctly, clearly, and pertinently on all the lines upon which . . . thought is exercised."

From the University's earliest days, competence in Subject A was understood to be the result of regular reading and writing assignments in all subjects, not just in English. In 1919, satisfaction of the Subject A requirement was changed from an admissions requirement to a prerequisite for enrollment in many courses that require substantial writing, including courses in freshman composition.

University of California composition courses are designed to help students write effectively in other University courses and later in their professional lives.

University writing demands the ability to read carefully, to analyze what is read, and to draw conclusions about those data for both general and expert audiences.

As a result, freshman composition courses at the University require students to read and understand extended and often difficult texts, sometimes literary but often not, and to write substantial essays -- usually longer than 1,000 words -- about issues raised in those texts. Freshman composition courses focus on helping students develop the command of argumentative strategies and the control of voice that will enable them to present their ideas cogently and persuasively.

Universitywide Analytical Writing
Placement Examination: Design and Expectations

The Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination provides students with a prose passage of some 700 to 1,000 words. This passage concerns an issue accessible to all freshmen, although it may include some perspectives or information that will be new to them. The passage is of the level of difficulty encountered in beginning University courses, and may be drawn from any of a number of disciplines. Frequently it presents a point of view with which there can clearly be disagreement -- a viewpoint, that is, about a truly arguable issue.

After reading the passage, students write an essay responding to a single topic based on the passage's content. The topic is one of two general kinds: one focusing almost exclusively on the reading passage itself, and the other encouraging students to draw upon their knowledge and personal experience.

The first kind of topic requires students to analyze the passage in one of several ways -- for example, by considering its treatment of a key concept, by comparing its use of a key term to another definition or perspective, or by arguing for or against a particular point of view about its contents. This kind of topic does not require any specific information beyond that provided in the reading passage and the topics themselves, though of course it requires students to use their own ideas in formulating their responses.

The second kind of topic encourages students to draw on knowledge and experience from outside the reading passage. It asks students to explain the passage's thought on an important point and to respond to that thought by evaluating it in light of their own experience or observation, by comparing it with their own reading, or by testing the writer's assumptions against their own.

Both kinds of topics ask students to read thoughtfully and to provide reasoned, concrete, and developed presentations of their points of view, not unsubstantiated statements of agreement or disagreement. Passing essays may substantiate their points of view by any means appropriate to the task, but must demonstrate their writers' understanding of the passage, maintain their focus on the task assigned, and lead readers to understand their points of view, if not to accept them. They must also demonstrate their writers' ability to control a range of vocabulary appropriate for beginning college students, to manage varied syntax accurately and appropriately, and to observe the conventions of standard written English.

Analytical Writing Placement Examination

ALL STUDENTS who will enter the University of California as freshmen must demonstrate their command of the English language by fulfilling the Entry Level Writing Requirement (formerly known as Subject A requirement) . Those students from California high schools who have not satisfied the requirement by April 1, 2005, must take the Analytical Writing Placement Examination (AWPE - formerly known as Subject A Examination) on May 14, 2005, at one of the testing centers throughout the state.

Students who have been admitted to the University of California for fall 2005 and who have not met the Entry Level Writing Requirement by April 1, will receive a letter directing them to the test center near their home or school.

During the examination, students will be required to read a passage and then write an essay responding to a single topic based on the content.

Results of the University wide Analytical Writing Placement Examination will not affect a student's admission to the University. Those who do not pass the examination in May can still satisfy the Entry Level Writing requirement before enrolling in the University or during their first term at the University.

AWPE: Measuring Competence

THE FACULTY of the University of California intends this uniform Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination procedure to publicize the standard and kind of writing competence necessary for success in the University's introductory courses. The examinations themselves and the standards for scoring responses are developed by faculty representatives of the University's general campuses.

This on-line version of the Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination information booklet explains the process and the place of the Entry Level Writing requirement in the University curriculum and reproduces examinations administered in 1987, 1989, 1992 and 1994. It also provides the scoring guide used to evaluate the essays, as well as a set of 18 essays responding to the 1987 Examination. Comments following the essays explain why they do or do not meet the Entry Level Writing standard of competence. The University particularly encourages teachers to duplicate the Examinations and the sample essays for their students and colleagues.

Administration and Grading of
the Analytical Writing Placement Examination

The Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination is administered the morning of the second Saturday in May at test centers throughout California. Each year more than 18,000 students write the exam.

Their essays are evaluated at a single scoring session the first weekend in June. Most of the readers are faculty members drawn from the English departments, writing programs, Subject A departments, and ESL curricula on all nine University of California general undergraduate campuses. To encourage University faculty communication about student writing with their colleagues in other parts of California's educational system, about 20 percent of the readers are high school and community college teachers recommended by Writing Projects on University campuses.

Each essay is scored independently by two readers, who measure it against the scoring guide. Papers whose scores are two points apart are read a third time, as are those scored 3/4. Papers whose composite scores are 8 and higher satisfy the Entry Level Writing requirement; papers whose composite scores are 6 and below do not.

From the University's earliest days, competence in Subject A was understood to be the result of regular reading and writing assignments in all subjects, not just in English.

In the Subject A examination (now Analytical Writing Placement Examination), students read a prose passage of 700 to 1,000 words, which is at the level of difficulty encountered in beginning UC courses. It may be drawn from any discipline.

Students must read thoughtfully and provide reasoned, concrete, and developed presentations of their points of view, not unsubstantiated statements of agreement or disagreement.

Essays are evaluated by faculty members from the University of California, high school and community college teachers.

Frequently Asked Questions about
the Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination

Q: Why is the Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination given in May?
A: The Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination is given in May so that your essay can be scored and your results returned to your UC campus in time for you to select your fall classes in one of your campus' orientation sessions, which typically begin in June or early July. The timing also allows you to demonstrate your writing ability at what should be the peak of your high school training.

Q: I'm taking an AP English exam in May. Do I have to take the Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination, too?
A: Yes. The only UC freshmen from California who won't receive tickets of admission to take the examination are those who have test scores that satisfy the Entry Level Writing requirement recorded in the University's admissions system on or before April 1, 2005.

By taking both the Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination and an AP English exam you have two ways to meet the Entry Level Writing Requirement (formerly known as Subject A requirement). In addition, a score of 3 or better on either AP English exam awards you 8 quarter or 6 semester units; on most campuses a score of 4 or better will also award you exemption from one or more courses subsequent to the Entry Level Writing Requirement.

Q: Will the date of the AWPE change for 2006?
A: Yes, there are plans to change the date of the 2006 exam to the last. Saturday in April. Students will be informed of the exact date as soon as it is confirmed.

Q: Is there a fee for the Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination?
A: Yes, there is a $65 fee for Analytical Writing Placement Examination. You will receive a fee card in the E-mail or in the mail. You will also be able to go on-line and pay your fee with a credit card. This fee will be waived if you have already received a waiver of your UC application fees.

Q: How should I prepare for the Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination?
A: You've been preparing for the Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination throughout your high school career. All the reading and writing you've done -- in classes across the curriculum -- should help you succeed on the Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination.

It is important that you understand the differences between the sample essays scored 4, 5, and 6 and the ones scored lower, especially the 3's. You might outline a response to one of the earlier exams, or even write a practice essay. (If many students in your English class will be taking the Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination, your teacher may ask you to do this as a class activity.)

Get a good night's sleep the night before, and come to the test center early. Then relax and do your best.

Q: May I write a draft of my essay?
A: You will have the reverse side of an information sheet on which to plan your essay. If you wish, the test center supervisor will give you scratch paper. You should remember, though, that the readers of your essay will see only what you write in your essay booklet.

Since you have two hours to read and write, it is possible to write a full draft and then recopy it -- if you're a fast writer. But you shouldn't feel obligated to do so. It is perfectly fine to make corrections and revisions on an essay first drafted in the essay booklet itself, as long as they're legible.

Q: What if I finish early? May I leave before the two hours are over?
A: Yes. You should remember, though, that the readers who score your essay will assume that it is the product of two hours' work.

Q: How will I find out how I did on the Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination?
A: About a month after you take the examination you'll receive a letter telling you whether your essay did or did not satisfy the Entry Level Writing requirement.

Q: What if my essay doesn't satisfy the requirement?
A: If your examination essay doesn't satisfy the Entry Level Writing requirement, you can still satisfy the requirement before you arrive at your UC campus by achieving one of the test scores that satisfy the Entry Level Writing requirement, most commonly an AP English score of 3. Also, the letter informing you that your essay did not satisfy the requirement will include campus-by-campus instructions for enrolling in courses that will satisfy the Entry Level Writing requirement.

Remember that the regulations of the University's Academic Senate require you to satisfy the Entry Level Writing requirement within your first year of residence.

Analytical Writing Placement Examination Committee 2004-2005

George Gadda
UCLA Writing Programs
Chief Reader
Chair of Analytical Writing Placement Examination

Cynthia Bates, UC Davis
Sheridan Blau, UC Santa Barbara
John Briggs, UC Riverside

Jane Stanley, UC Berkeley
English for Non-Native Speakers

Arvan Fluharty, Chair 2004-2005
University Committee on Preparatory Education

Jeanne Hargrove
University of California Office of the President

Sample Examinations

Universitywide Subject A Examination of 1987

About the Topic, Essays and Comments

The 1987 Universitywide Subject A Examination presented students with a selection from Mirror for Man by anthropologist Clyde Kluckhohn. The writing task required students to explain Kluckhohn's views about why the world's peoples are both different and similar -- to explain, that is, Kluckhohn's views about the influence of culture and its relations to biological facts -- and to respond to Kluckhohn's views.

While maintaining students' focus on Kluckhohn's central ideas, the essay topic was deliberately phrased to allow them to produce as broad a range of responses as possible. Based on its experience with pretest essays, the Universitywide Subject A Examination Committee expected that most writers would illustrate or elaborate on Kluckhohn's assertions with examples drawn from their experience or reading, but also anticipated that some writers would question Kluckhohn's dismissal of factors other than culture and biology or suggest other explanations for the examples Kluckhohn cites. Regardless of what point of view they developed, essays that satisfied the Subject A requirement had to do more than summarize what Kluckhohn wrote.

The responses to the May 1987 Universitywide Subject A Examination exemplify the six levels of the Universitywide Subject A Examination scoring guide. They have been chosen to represent different approaches to the essay topic, as well as to suggest the range of strengths and weaknesses in essays at each scoring level. As their contents show, essays by both native and non-native speakers of English are to be found at all six scoring levels. The third essay at each scoring level is definitely by a non-native speaker of English; other essays, #5 for example, may be by non-native speakers as well.

The comment on each essay explains why it does or does not meet the Subject A standard of competence. Following the pattern of the scoring guide, each comment discusses first how effectively each writer responds to Kluckhohn's ideas, then the extent to which the essay demonstrates a control of written English suitable for students entering the University. Taken together, the essays and comments should make clear that essays satisfying the Subject A requirement can use a wide variety of organizational patterns and almost unlimited sources of information. They can present a wide variety of viewpoints about the issue raised in the passage and pinpointed by the topic, but they must remain focused on that issue and develop a reasoned response to the passage.

Essay Topic

Directions: Read carefully the passage and the essay topic. Respond to the topic by writing an essay that is controlled by a central idea and is specifically developed.
You will have two hours to read the passage and to complete your essay.
You may underline the passage and make marginal notes as you read. Plan your essay before you begin writing, using the "Notes" side of the blue Information Sheet. Allow time to review and proofread your essay and to make any revisions or corrections you wish.

Your essay will be evaluated on the basis of your ability to develop your central idea, to express yourself clearly, and to use the conventions of written English. The topic has no "correct" response.

Writing that appears on the "Notes" page will not be read.

Essay Topic: How does Kluckhohn explain the differences and similarities among the world's peoples? What do you think about his views? Use examples from your own experience, reading or observation in developing your essay.

Introductory Note: Clyde Kluckhohn (1905-1960) was professor of anthropology at Harvard University. The following passage, adapted from his book Mirror for Man, defines what anthropologists mean by culture and explains culture's influence on how people think, feel and behave.

Sample Essays and Comments — Three Top-Scoring Essays

Clyde Kluckhohn, in his passage from the book Mirror for Man, defines what anthropologists mean by culture and explains the differences and similarities among the world's people. His view, one that I find to be true from my own experiences, is that culture is "the social legacy individuals acquire from their group." Simply put, people act and react the way they do "because they were brought up that way," not due to biological differences.

On a recent trip to Spain I was surprised to find that nearly all the beaches were topless. The women seemed perfectly comfortable being in public almost nude, but more surprising was the fact that no one stopped and stared or took the event to be shocking or indecent. Had a similar scene taken place on a California beach it would have soon become at least a point of interest and curiosity. These people did not neglect to wear their tops due to any severe climate change from America to Spain that makes tops unbearable. Their is no biological or anatomical difference that causes this varying custom. It is simply the way they were brought up.

The same applies to my surprise at their "indecency." Seeing nude women at a beach was not something I had been accustomed to. However, I am accustomed to seeing nude women from African tribes in National Geographic and similar documentaries, and these nude women, biologically similar to those of Spain, had never shocked me. The reason for my differing views was an acquired, not an instinctive one.

In Kluckhohn's essay he cites the example of a trader's wife in Arizona that fed guests rattlesnake flesh without alerting them to the nature of the meat. The guests would eat the sandwiches described as "delicious and reminiscent of chicken and tuna fish. None complained until they were told what they had eaten, and then they would vomit "instantaneously." Their bodies were adapted to the digestion of the meat, but their minds had not.

In William Shakespeare's "Hamlet", the main character is confronted by the ghost of this father and told to revenge his murder. The audience of the day accepted the event unreservedly. The question was not whether the ghost was real or not, but whether it was actually the ghost of the dead King or the devil in disguise trying to trick Hamlet. If a similar scenario were presented today the audience would be much more reluctant to accept the idea of a ghost. They would question Hamlet's sanity, perhaps his sobriety, and speculate on the seriousness of the work. This is not due to a change in the human mind that has taken place over the years, but a change in the way people are raised to view such events.

The same concept applies to another area of culture, art. During the earlier ages of civilization artwork strived for realism. The greatest artist was the one who could reproduce reality the most accurately. The pain-filled works of Van Gogh and the symbolic renditions of Picasso would have been scorned and rejected, and certainly not accepted as the masterpieces they are today. However, there have been no major anatomical changes in the human eye for thousands of years. Earlier civilizations would have seen the same work, but different upbringing would have changed their perception of it.
Kluckhohn is careful to point out that human biology and natural laws limit culture. No culture on earth raises their children to fly. The tribes of the desert regions are not familiar with fishing. Aside from this limitation, culture, the total way of life of a people, is derived solely from the patterns and customs of their specific group.

Comment: Essay #1 demonstrates a sophisticated understanding of Kluckhohn's argument and genuine rhetorical flair. It is also notable for the range of subjects its author draws on to illustrate Kluckhohn's point that different peoples' actions result from different upbringings, not differences in biology. Discussing in turn a topless beach in Spain, the author's reaction to that toplessness, Kluckhohn's rattlesnake meat anecdote, audience ideas about ghosts in Shakespeare's day and in our own, and the evolution of painting, the essay consistently shows how differences in perception derive from people's ideas and expectations, not from their physical characteristics. Besides providing in its first and last paragraphs a concise and specific explanation of Kluckhohn's views about how biology and culture interrelate, this essay insightfully considers the implications those ideas have in a variety of arenas - including, in paragraph three, the writer's own perceptions. Its thoughtfulness is leavened by moments of wry humor - the observation that Spain's climate did not make tops unbearable and that today's audience "would question Hamlet's sanity, perhaps his sobriety" - moments that reinforce the seriousness of the analysis as a whole.

This essay's prose is as engaging as its development. Besides choosing words aptly, this essay's sentences use sophisticated patterns of modification ("Simply put, people act and react") and match length and structure to content. The sureness and specificity of the prose in Essay #1 can be highlighted by contrasting it with the vagueness of the prose in Essay #11.

In the book Mirror for Man, Clyde Kluckhohn presents an argument that culture accounts for many people's behaviour, as opposed to the "biological properties of the people concerned, their individual past experience, and the immediate situations." He defines culture as "the social legacy individuals acquire from their group." To him culture is like a huge weight, whose inertia forces us to act according to certain observeable patterns. Unfortunately, Kluckhohn's explanation of culture is fallacious because, though culture may seem to account for many behaviours, in actuality it accounts for a relatively small number of behaviours, or perhaps none at all.

Kluckhohn says that people are different because of their individual cultures, but are similar in several fundamental ways. One example is the differences in eating habits between different cultures. Kluckhohn relates a story of trader's wife who served snake-meat in a sandwich to unsuspecting guests. Once they found out, many of them vomited the previously-thought delicious food. Another example he gives is the practice of polygamy. American women abhor the idea, while the Koryak women of Siberia support it wholly. In spite of these superficial differences, Kluckhohn says that there are several fundamental similarities in all men. The one which is crucial to his argument is that all men are greatly affected by their culture. Their different, contrasting actions are all accounted for by their varying "social legacies."

This idea is false for several reasons, but before we go on, we should examine his own ideas that support his sweeping generalization.
The flaws in his argument stem from his idea that culture accounts for all behaviours except those limited by biological factors. He dismisses "individual past experience and the immediate situation" as factors that influence a people's behaviour. However, it is these factors which determine an individual's behaviour and it is the sum of all the individuals which determine a people. Applying this to his examples, we find that they are weak arguments at best. His first point involves Americans. Though we think of ourselves as individualistic, he says that we all follow certain patterns -- we brush our teeth in the morning, we put on pants instead of a grass skirt, we eat three meals a day, and we sleep in a bed, not in a hammock or sheep pelt. All this is attributed to the "American culture." However, upon closer examination, the "American culture" cannot account for all this. Instead, other factors are more likely to account for these actions. Most people brush their teeth in the morning and eat three meals a day, because that is how they, as individuals, were raised by their parents. One might argue that their parents got this "tradition" from their parents and so on, which amounts to a cultural influence. However, a cultural influence is that from a people's past experience and the habit of teeth-brushing or eating three meals a day could not have started with a whole population suddenly deciding to brush their teeth in the morning or eat three meals a day. Instead, what is more likely is that an individual started doing this, which then spreads to more people. The other two "habits" -- those of putting on pants and sleeping in bed -- could also have been attributed to one person, instead of a whole culture.

In addition, the environment certainly has an affect. Many Americans don't wear grass skirts because they don't have the appropriate grass to make into skirts. If a person begins to live like a hermit in a forest, he surely won't be able to find a bed with two mattresses to sleep on. In the end, what an individual finally does is ultimately his own decision. The same line of reasoning can be applied to Kluckhohn's examples of polygamy, the American who acted like a Chinese person and the woman who served snake-meat. The American wife usually finds polygamy abhorrant because of the morals she was brought up with, not because of the "American culture." If that were not the case, then the Mormans during the 1800's would have also disliked polygamy. The American man who acted like a Chinese person did so because he was raised in China. If he was raised in an American school in China, he would perhaps have learned American mannerisms and traits. And as for the guests who disliked the rattle-snake meat, they probably did so, because they were used to eating other animals. If one of the "American" guests was used to eating snake, then his own individual tasteswould not have submitted to the American culture's tastes. In short, culture is a cause more remote than individual experience or immediate environment in affecting a person's behaviour.

Other ideas and phenomena refute Kluckhohn's idea of culture's influence on people. The adaptation in Darwin's theory of evolution, when generalized to people's behaviour, refutes Kluckhohn's idea. Kluckhohn's definition of culture is static. He says that people's actions are determined by their ancestor's experience. This is empirically not the case. Societies in primitive times had to adapt and change, away from their past traditional means of acting, in order to survive. Societies and individuals must be dynamic, or else they stagnate and disappear. On a more individual level, the experiences of many foreigners show that Kluckhohn's idea is false. Foreigners often adapt and accept new "American" ideas which often contradict their previous cultural mores. Some don't do so, however. Yet this is not because of a "culture's influence," but rather it depends on the individual's ability to adapt. In addition, the great discoveries of the past were breaks away from previous past thought. If Kluckhohn's idea that culture defines a person's behaviour were true, then we would still think that the earth is flat or that the earth was the center of the universe. Individuals such as Columbus and Copernicus broke away from their contemporary idea which their culture had perpetuated. Yet another idea which contradicts Kluckhohn is the humanistic philosophy. According to humanists, every decision that the individual makes is "his own decision." That is, the decisions a person makes do not follow a pattern caused by certain past factors. Instead, each decision is a new step forward, independent of events in the past. By no means does the individual act because the past experience of other people dictate such an action.
The powerful influence that Kluckhohn attributes to culture is clearly not true. Rather, culture is a remote factor which affects an individual's behaviour to a limited extent.

Comment: Unlike Essay #1, Essay #2 argues valiantly against the influence of culture. Challenging Kluckhohn's "sweeping generalization" about culture's influence over all behavior that is not biologically limited, the essay strives to rehabilitate the individualism Kluckhohn dismisses by demonstrating the more immediate influence -- even in Kluckhohn's own examples -- of "individual past experience" (paragraph 4) and "the immediate situation" (paragraph 5). The essay goes on to claim that Kluckhohn's idea of culture, essentially "static," contradicts the reality of innovation and adaptation exemplified by Darwin's theory of evolution, the assimilation of immigrants, the accomplishments of Columbus and Copernicus.

Essay #2's emphasis on individualism is epitomized by this ringing sentence from the end of paragraph seven: "Instead, each new decision is a new step forward, independent of events in the past." Although both readers scored this essay 6, it is unlikely that either was led to agree fully with this statement, or to share the writer's evident impatience with the idea of culture. Both probably realized that, in order to argue against culture's influence in paragraph four, the writer has treated culture as something imposed by a sudden decision of a whole people, rather than -- as Kluckhohn shows in example of the American/Chinese -- as something derived from and inculcated through the immediate family environment. A similar blurring of definitions of environment, culture, and upbringing can be observed in paragraph five. Nevertheless, the essay does suggest genuine limitations to the general validity of Kluckhohn's statements, exemplify those limitations concretely, and make a strong if not compelling case for its point of view.
The prose of this essay is as vigorous as its argument. It shows its writer's consistent ability to choose words precisely, to use subordination accurately, and even, occasionally, to rise to a rhetorical flourish (as in the simile of culture as "a huge weight" in paragraph 1). This consistent control is particularly impressive given the essay's length.

In a world where everyone has experienced "the same poignant life experiences, such as birth, helplessness, illness, old age, and death," it is incredible to think of the number of ways that peoples can go through these events in life. It is most common that their attitudes and responses are influenced by their environment and society. As Clyde Kluckhohn had explained in "Mirror for Man", the best explanation for any human action is the "concept of culture." One cannot clearly define this idea, but through the comparison of two different groups of people hopefully one can better understand the meaning of culture. By comparing Vietnam and the United States, two very contrasting nations, one can see the force behind the concept of culture in shaping people's lives.

In terms of education, the similarities between the two countries are few. Both aim at improving their people's lives, and yet the method in which this is achieved differs greatly. Vietnam, a small country with a large population, has to make do with the lack of technology. It stresses hard work rather than the use of machines. Children are encouraged to do math mentally rather than depend on calculators. As a result, the Vietnamese people do not consider it a sacrifice that they should lead a hard life. Also, their education emphasizes morality rather than independent thinking. Therefore, most Vietnamese children would never think of leaving their families before marriage, unlike the Americans, who would leave for college right after high school or move out of their parents' house to live with friends. The Americans would also prefer to make their lives as easy as possible, which means that rather than adding mentally, they would turn to an adding machine or a computer. Their two ways of thinking differ as a result of different education methods.

One can also see how culture causes people to be different in their dress styles. In Vietnam, it is acceptable to wear clothes similar to pyjamas out in the street. Yet in America, one cannot do this. One has to dress properly, which means that pyjamas is worn at night and to bed only. However, it is incomprehensible to the Vietnamese why the Americans have to dress so well to go to sleep, why they have to wear nightgowns or pyjamas with fancy designs. They do not understand why it is important to put on a robe when one eats breakfast. Most of all, the Vietnamese people are shocked when they realize that some Americans go to the opposite extreme and not wear anything at all. Such indiscreet action is never tolerated in their culture. Even though their clothes are simple, the Vietnamese people always make sure that their bodies are covered. The women would never be found wearing anything that would reveal their bodies in an improper fashion. The way that the Vietnamese and American people dress is very much determined by their ways of thinking.

A very important factor which is influenced by culture is marriage. In both societies, this is the time when a man and a woman come together and become one. The process for the wedding, however, is different. The Vietnamese people place an emphasis on parents' approval, and therefore the parents play an important role in their children's marriage. Sometimes they even act as the matchmakers. In the United States, however, the children are left to make their own decisions. They meet someone they like, fall in love, and get married. Sometimes they go through this process without consulting their parents. Very often, they would go to places like Reno to marry quickly and have no second thoughts about what their parents might have to say. For some of them, it does not matter what others think as long as they are happy with their decisions. Again, the differences are results of different ways of thinking.

As can be seen, people's actions and thoughts are influenced by their cultures. The differences between Vietnam and the United States in such areas as education, dress styles, and marriage are results of the way they were raised. Their different behaviors can be traced back as early as their first education and then along the way as they are growing up. They are all born being the same, but because they are taught different sets of rules, their attitudes and responses to things in life are different. A Vietnamese person would not be so unless he behaves in certain ways. He can become as American as an American by birth as long as he is educated like an American.

Comment: Rather than giving Kluckhohn's ideas a ringing affirmation, as does Essay #1, or opposing them, as does Essay #2, Essay #3 shows their validity through a sustained comparison of the cultures of the United States and Vietnam. The writer conveys a clear understanding of Kluckhohn's ideas about the relationship between biology and culture in the first three sentences of the first paragraph and in this sentence from paragraph five: "They [people] are all born being the same, but because they are taught different sets of rules, their attitudes and responses to things in life are different." In between, the writer describes the differences between American and Vietnamese ways of education, dress, and marriage, showing through the examples how attitudes, sometimes influenced by environmental factors, shape expectations and behavior, thereby creating and perpetuating cultures or "ways of thinking." The essay concludes its gloss on Kluckhohn by introducing, albeit somewhat abruptly, the observation that upbringing overrules biology. Throughout, the essay develops its comparisons specifically and insightfully.

This essay's prose has less flair than that of Essays #1 and #2. It does, however, demonstrate considerable stylistic skill: it manages sophisticated subordination effectively, chooses precise and usually active verbs, uses parallel constructions to good effect, and employs a variety of transitional devices to highlight connections established by its content. The few instances in which the essay's language shows non-native usage -- its preference for "would leave . . . prefer . . . go" (paragraphs 2, 2, 4) rather than simple present tense to express habitual actions; its use of "the" with plural nouns ("Americans," "matchmakers," "children," paragraphs 3, 4, 4) that more usually stand alone; its treatment of "pyjamas" as a singular noun, like "pair of pants" paragraph 3); its use of "Clyde Kluckhohn had explained" rather than "explained" or "explains" (paragraph 1) -- in no way inhibit communication. Instead, they suggest that the writer's freshman composition class will help refine an already sophisticated control of written English.

Sample Essays and Comments — Three Essays Scoring 5

In his book, Mirror for Man, Clyde Kluckhohn presents his views on the development of culture. Kluckhohn believes that culture develops out of a combination of human nature, human biology, and the laws of nature. There are vast differences in the habits of the different peoples of the world. An example could be the eating patterns of Americans compared with those of Europeans. Another could be the attitudes of American students compared with the attitudes of Asian students. At the same time, there are some characteristics which are present in all societies, such as peer pressure. In my opinion Clyde Kluckhohn is correct when he states that human behavior is affected by both human nature and human biology.

Kluckhohn gives several examples from his life experience illustrating how two cultures can have very different behavior patterns. During a recent trip to West Germany, I encountered a similar difference. I quickly discovered that the most striking difference between the eating habits of Americans and German was the way in which the knife and fork were used. In Germany most people eat with their fork in their left hand and their knife in their right hand. In addition the fork is almost always used upside down and the knife is used as a "pusher", much like Americans use bread. When I questioned a German friend about this difference I was surprised by her response. She explained that the "German" style of eating was the only "civilized" way and that the "American" style was "sloppy" and "Barbarian".

Another example of cultural differences could be the educational attitudes of Americans as opposed to those of many Asians. Many people in the United States are surprised and alarmed by the high test score and college admissions averages of Asian students in contrast to the falling averages of students of other ethnic backgrounds, including white. This discrepancy is directly related to cultural differences between American and many Asian nations. In most Asian cultures education is strongly encouraged and supported and has been for generations. On the other hand, in America education is often a low priority. Many American students look at school as a burden rather than a chance to gain knowledge. At the same time, many American parents reinforce this attitude because they were raised with a similar belief.

Kluckhohn is careful to point out that there are characteristics which are present in all cultures. These similarities are the result of human biology, rather than the result of training or "upbringing". An example would be the fact that all infants cry when they are hungry. This is a biological necessity because the human infant is totally dependant on its parents. Another example would be the concept of "peer pressure". Because humans are social creatures who need to live in groups, whether families, tribes, or nations, most people feel at some point a desire to conform to what is expected.

The different cultures of the human species vary in many ways, from eating habits to religion. At the same time their are many similarities in these diverse cultures. I have experienced these differences and similarities both first and second hand. Such experiences lead me to agree with Kluckhohn's view that culture arises out of human nature, and its forms are restricted by human biology and the laws of nature.

Comment: Essay #4 presents a competent response to the text and the topic. It begins by focusing on Kluckhohn's ideas about the sources of culture, which it paraphrases Kluckhohn to identify as human nature, human biology, and the laws of nature. It goes on to illustrate how different ways of using knives and forks both seem right to Germans and Americans, and to show how the value given to education in their two cultures accounts for the differing levels of educational attainment reached by Asian and American young people. Citing Kluckhohn's care to mention features common to all cultures, the essay then discusses infants crying and all humans responding to peer pressure as biologically-based similarities, and concludes by affirming Kluckhohn's ideas about culture arising out of human nature. The essay as a whole demonstrates an accurate understanding of Kluckhohn's text.

The prose of this essay is in its writer's control. While Essay #4 begins stiffly and lacks the fluency and complexity of Essays #1, #2, and #3, its writer consistently chooses words that convey its ideas economically and precisely and uses sentences that employ parallel structure and subordination to reinforce them.

Why do men do the things they do? Professor Kluckhohn attempts to explore, define and explain the answer to this complex question in one brief passage. He reasons that we are all given the same basic biological "tools" at birth, so it should follow then, that we should all behave in similar ways. But, because of "culture", defined as "the total life way of a people", we do not react to similar situations in exactly the same way. Culture is the main reason we can not explain other people's actions "in terms of biological properties."
Professor Kluckhohn proceeds to explain cultural differences and similarities through some experiences of his own. First he parallels an American woman's view of polygamy to a Koryak woman's. Then he shares an anecdote of an American man who was raised as a Chinese. Lastly, he tells a tale of a woman serving rattlesnake sandwiches to her guests. After each example he points out that it is a persons upbringing and way of life that dictates how he or she will act in or react to a given situation.

I am in total agreement with Professor Kluckhohn's views. I found his passage to be very interesting reading because it put into words views and ideas I had formulated through dealing with people of other nationalities. It also pointed out that a body doesn't make a man, a mind does. How the mind is trained and nurtured will decide what the man is and how he thinks.

I am what some would call a "people-person." I love being with new people and learning about what makes them "tick." I have been lucky enought to travel through Europe and the Orient so I have seen first hand whether East does meet West or not. But the place where I learned the most about people and the way they live would have to be right here at home - Southern California. Living here in an area with a rich ethinic mixture has opened my eyes to things like: the Filipino tendency to eat with a spoon and fork while Americans tend to use mainly the fork, the Oriental's tight family ties and the growing rate of American divorces, etc. The mixture of traditional Filipino parents and growing up in California has given me a chance to glimpse how some cultures go hand in hand while others clash violently.

My first real look at how cultures can clash came when I was about twelve. A cousin of mine had just married and, having just come from the Philippines, was wondering if they could live with us until they found an apartment and got settled into their prospective new jobs. My cousin Sammy and his German wife Heidi moved in with us and stayed for about two and a half months.

The first culture clash regarded meals. Being a traditional Filipino household with very close family ties meant that everyone had to come together for meals. My mother felt it was her obligation to provide breakfast and dinner for both her family and houseguests. The first few nights we all sat down to diner together. One evening my cousin told my mother that Heidi was beginning to feel obligated to come to dinner and, if it was all right, if my mother would please stop making them have their meals with us. My mother got a little upset and asked me how Heidi could be so rude. Mom was just doing what she had been taught when she was young and Heidi, not being used to our culture, felt stifled.

For Filipinos it is very important that you respect your elders. This could come in the form of the entire family greeting them at the door when they came to visit or just letting the head of the house know if you were going out. My cousin never failed to let us know whether he was leaving or not but his wife had a tendency to come and go as she pleased. Coming in at late hours or leaving without a word may be viewed by some as normal, but to Filipinos raised in the Philippines it was a direct attack at the respect elders deserved.
We've had other people stay with us but they had always been first or second generation Filipinos who knew of our ways and abided by them. Having someone with a totally different upbringing live with us taught us lessons in tolerance and open-mindedness. We learned not to judge by our standards but understand and accept someone else's way of life.

No one may ever be able to answer Professor Kluckholn's question of "why?" completely. People are always changing and growing. Past experiences, traditions, values and beliefs will always dictate how a person will react to something, but because no two people are alike there isn't any way one can be absolutely sure. Dealing with other cultures requires tolerance, patience and openmindedness, for it can be difficult and frustrating. Yet to me it is one of the most intriguing subjects on earth and should be well worth trying if only for the experience of it.

Comment: Paraphrasing Kluckhohn, Essay #5's first paragraph contrasts the influence of biology with that of culture; its second paragraph then shows how Kluckhohn's examples reinforce the primacy of culture. The third and fourth paragraphs then state the writer's agreement with Kluckhohn, based on her experience both in the West and in the East. Most of the rest of the essay -- paragraphs five to eight -- consists of a single extended example drawn from the author's experience: how her Filipino family adjusted to her cousin's German wife. This example clearly shows the writer's understanding of Kluckhohn's ideas about the cultural determinants of behavior. Reiterating Kluckhohn's question "Why?" at its conclusion, the essay expresses doubt that the question can finally be answered, but argues for the importance of bridging cultures. Throughout, the essay displays an accurate understanding of Kluckhohn's ideas and an ability to reflect on their implications.

The prose of this essay is less self-assured than that of Essays #1, #2, and #3. Occasionally there are sentences, like the second in paragraph seven, in which reference is at first unclear, or where syntax is awkward: "This (what?) could come in the form of the entire family greeting them ("elders" or cousins?) at the door when they came to visit or just letting the head of the house know if you (what relation to "they"?) were going out." Similar reference problems occur in the use of "they" for "he and his wife" (paragraph 5, sentence 2), and in several uses of "it" (for "he" in paragraph 3, sentence 3; for "this" in paragraph 7, sentence 4, and in sentences 4 and 5 of paragraph 9). Usually, however, this essay demonstrates its writer's ability to choose words accurately and vary sentences effectively; these qualities can be seen with particular clarity in paragraphs four and seven.

Essay #6 Score 5:

In Clyde Kluckhohn's Mirror for Man, he explains the differences and similarities among the world's peoples by stating two important ideas: 1) People are similar because they have the same biological equipment and undergo similar life experiences "such as birth, helplessness, illness, old age, and death," but, 2) people are culturally different because of the way they were brought up and they may live in a different environment created by human beings, and acquire a distinct social legacy from their own people.

Kluckhohn suggests that where a person lives is one of the factors that determines one's culture. In China, people have a strong dislike for milk and milk products. In the United States, a person drinks milk from the time of birth because American society has made a pattern for its people; Americans make milk a integral part of their meals because they are told it's the only way to remain healthy and develop strong bones and to avoid disease such as osteoporosis, a disease brought on by the lack of calcium (which is found in milk). Therefore, the Chinese may not understand why Americans drink milk so often, and Americans may wonder why the Chinese do not know the health benefits of milk. Kluckhohn implies that there are cultural misunderstandings between different sets of people because they are not aware that "each specific culture constitutes a kind of blueprint of all life's activities."

I do support Kluckhohn's theory that culture is determined by a person's environment and their "design for living." I have been raised in Los Angeles and I have friends of varying ethnic backgrounds, languages, birth places, and cultures. My best friend came from Korea nine years ago and has assimilated to the ways of American behavior. Yet, I do not understand why Sandy remains stoic when she has a serious problem or why her parents never display public affection to her or to themselves. I asked my mother if Sandy's behavior was strange and she replied "no" because she said Sandy is from Korea where she was brought up in a different environment, where her culture taught her ethical and moral values that differ from values taught in the United States. I came to realize that although Sandy will remain in the United States for the rest of her life, she may never "give up" her Korean values or her Korean upbringing.

My nephew Troy was born in Los Angeles, California, but for the first two years of his life, he has been living in Lima, Peru, my family's country. The stereotypical belief is that if you are born in the United States you will act and speak like an American and adopt an American way of life; my nephew has proven this belief wrong. Even though Troy is an American by birth, he has been raised in Lima, and can only speak Spanish; he only likes Peruvian food and Spanish-speaking T.V. programs. When he came back to the United States, he had problems adjusting to living in L.A. because he misses his environment: the Peruvian people, food, entertainment, and schooling-the Peruvian way of life. Troy does not like watching English-speaking cartoons or children's programs and he has just recently attempted to make friends with English-speaking children. Tory's experience is similar to that of the "Chinese"-American man that Kluckhohn had described: Troy's biological heritage was American, but the cultural training had been Peruvian.

In Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, she explores the problems women had to go through to get married in eighteenth-century England. Elizabeth, the main character of the novel, cannot comprehend why a woman must revolve her life around looking for a potential husband. But Elizabeth knows she has been brought up as a proper lady so that she may marry someone of great wealth and that she should not question a woman's role in life; that is, to find a husband, get married, having to legally give all her possessions to her husband, and to be an obedient wife, as directed by English culture and law. An American woman would scoff at these traditions because she has different values and ideas. An American woman of today may choose to work and not get married or not have children because she is not legally bound by her parents or her country to do anything she DOES NOT want to do. An American woman of the eighties is living in times where the American culture is rapidly changing: there are hardly any "traditional" American ways of life. American laws allow a woman to do whatever she wants with her life, therefore, American culture dictates to a woman her potentialities. Elizabeth of Pride and Prejudice could not comprehend present day American culture or live in an American environment; her English culture would tell her to shun American culture.

Because Clyde Kluckhohn is an anthropologist, a person may think his idea of "culture" may be too technical, but his definition of "culture" helps human beings that "try to understand themselves and their own behavior." We as a human race may understand human behavior if "we know a people'sdesign for living" and that we all follow different social patterns. Each of us derive our own culture from our own people's social legacy and from our unique social environment.

Comment: After briefly stating Kluckhohn's ideas about the relationship between biology and culture in paragraph one, Essay #6 illustrates Kluckhohn's point about the primary importance of culture by discussing several examples of cultural contrast and misunderstanding. Like the extended example in Essay #5, these examples cite the writer's personal experience, but Essay #6 also draws on Kluckhohn's own examples and on the writer's other reading. The second paragraph suggests reasons for the differing attitudes toward milk among Americans and Chinese; the third paragraph relates the writer's coming to understand how a Korean-born friend, largly assimilated to American culture, can still remain unwilling to express emotion openly; the fourth paragraph shows how the writer's nephew, though born in Los Angeles, actually formed his cultural identity during this first two years of life with the writer's family in Lima, Peru. Paragraph five shows cultural differences over time as well as space, explaining how the cultural role prescribed for Elizabeth in Pride and Prejudice would make it hard for her to function as an American woman of the 1980's. All these examples show an accurate understanding of Kluckhohn's text and weave his insights thoughtfully into a series of interesting examples.

The prose of Essay #6 is somewhat uneven. Paragraphs two through four demonstrate the fullest command, choosing words precisely ("integral part," paragraph 2; "stoic," paragraph 3) and managing sentences effectively (see the balance set up by "in China" and "In the United States," and the way that balance is maintained in paragraph 2). Paragraphs one, five, and six show less consistent control, both in sentence structure (see "An American woman of today . . ." and the two following sentences in paragraph 5) and in idiomatic usage ("why a woman must revolve her life around," rather than "why a woman's life must revolve around" and "dictates to a woman her potentialities," both paragraph 5). As a whole, however, the essay demonstrates clear competence.

Sample Essays and Comments — Three "Satisfactory" Essays

Essay #7 Score 4:

Clyde Kluckholn explains the differences and similarities among the world's peoples through the many cultures that arise out of human nature. Kluckhohn defines a culture to be inclusive of every aspect of a human being's life. This culture guides people's actions and feeling toward numerous things. Kluckhohn states specifically, "Each specific culture constitutes a kind of blueprint of all life's activities."

Kluckholn uses three examples to illustrate how the culture in which a person is raised shapes a person's attitudes, actions and thought. The first example Kluckholn uses shows the different attitudes women have about bigamy. Women from Siberia have been raised in a culture with very different ideas than our American culture. For this reason, Koryak women desire the companionship of another female and cannot know how any woman could "restrict her husband to just one mate." In Kluckholn's second example he shows how a culture develops physical characteristics in a person. The boy mentioned, although biologically American, acquired characteristics that gave him the appearance and mannerisms of a Chinese. The third example Kluckholn uses displays the biological effect culture can have upon a person. These individuals who were tricked into eating rattlesnake meat had severe violent reaction when told due to their cultural upbringing. Hence, when a cultural standard is broken even a biological response such as vomiting will sometimes occur.

Although I agree partially to Kluckholn's explanation of the differences and similarities among the world's people, I feel that not only are people a product of their environment and upbringing, but are also influenced by heriditary factors as well. Many experiments have been conducted that show a definite relationship between related persons. Children often have similar behavior when compared to their parent's behavior as children. Also, children of alcoholics have a fifty percent chance of becoming an alcoholic themselves. This fact can be explained by the theory that these children have inherited characteristics making them succeptable to alcholism.

Furthermore, experiments have been conducted where twins have been separated at birth and raised by two different families. Even though these twins were raised in two different variations of American culture, when tested they reacted almost identically to certain situations and had similar feelings towards universal concepts.

In conclusion, Kluckholn's explanation which denotes cultures as the "blueprints" of life's activities is quite exceptable. One must consider, however, heriditary factors when attempting to completely interpret human behavior.

Comment: Essay #7 provides a satisfactory response to Kluckhohn's ideas about culture's influence by emphasizing the importance of heredity as another influence on human behavior. The first paragraph reports Kluckhohn's idea; the second explains how his examples demonstrate culture's influence; the third states general agreement with Kluckhohn's claims, but cites several "experiments" to show that heredity's effect on behavior has also been established; the fourth restates the writer's acceptance of -- and addition to -- Kluckhohn's ideas. Throughout, the essay tends to summarize quickly rather than develop fully, but its examples and reasoning are adequate to its purpose.

The prose of this essay is generally acceptable. The writer sometimes falls into misstatement or imprecision: "explains the differences and similarities among the world's peoples through the many cultures that arise out of human nature," (paragraph 1); "a definite relationship between related persons," (paragraph 3). There is a sprinkling of errors: Kluckholn (throughout); "agree to Kluckholn's explanation" (paragraph 3); "exceptable" (paragraph 4). Parallelism fails occasionally ("people's actions and feeling," paragraph 1). More frequently, the sentences show the competence demonstrated by, for example, the first and last sentences of paragraph two. As a whole, this essay shows satisfactory preparation for University writing.

Essay #8 Score 4:

In the given passage from Mirror for Man, Clyde Kluckhorn explains the similarities and differences between cultures by first defining the anthropological concept of "culture" and then explaining his definition.

The definition Kluckhorn gives relies heavily on common sense. Culture is: "the total life way of a people, the social legacy individuals acquire from their group. Or culture can be regarded as that part of the environment that is the creation of human beings." By giving us this definition, Kluckhorn immediately deletes any chance of mininterpreting the word and concept of culture.

Kluckhorn starts his explanation of this definition by simplifying the concept. He says that a person's acts cannot be explained merely in terms of biology, the life experiences of that person, and/or the immediate situation. Instead "the past experience of other people in the form of culture enters into almost every event". It is not we who determine our culture, but our ancestors who determined for us.
Kluckhorn is saying that who we are -- our culture -- is based on how the people who have the responsibility of raising us were raised by their role models, who were influenced by their role models, and so on.

To illustrate his point, Kluckhorn gives examples of times when the culture someone was raised in plays a major role in determining how the person will react in a given situation -- often how they will react to an aspect of another culture. The examples all showed that one's own culture is where one feels safest. Kluckhorn's illustrations of how people react negatively to other cultures seems to prove the axiom that man's biggest fear is of change.

Despite the almost overwhelming influences of culture, there is still human nature to consider. Basically, all human being are the same. All are similar in biology and in that they must observe the physical laws of nature. Yet the differences between cultures stem from the once original, individual ways of dealing with these problems. Man and his problems are universly the same, but it is his dealing with these problems that is different, and these dealings are determined by the predecessors of each culture. This is the very essence of how Kluckhorn explains the anthropological differences and similarities between cultures.

As for my views, I agree with Professor Kluckhorn wholeheartedly although all of my experience has been in the American culture with various subcultures. Despite this difference, the same rules concerning similarities and differences seem to apply.

I recently moved from a large, private high school in an eastern metropolitan area to a small public school in a secluded rural area on the West Coast. Indeed the differences were astounding. Gone were my chances of going to the theatre once or twice a month. Gone was the ability to get on a bus and shop for my every need in a five mile radius. Gone was my selection of first run movies. The latest songs are only attainable by driving an hour to a store or praying that the cable hooked up to your stereo is working.

Despite the radical differences, the kids I go to school with are surprizingly similar. The main concern was still acceptance. Everybody still looked for a good time on the weekends. Teenagers still had to deal with the problems of identity and sexuality. Yet it was the ways in which they dealt with these problems that created the greatest, and often as an outsider trying to join in, the most shocking.

Partying was the main outlet for fun and drinking was not accepted but expected. To deal with the problem of more aesthetic entertainment, teens bought tapes of the favorite groups by the armloads and rented their favorite movies and watched them on the VCR. The problems were the same, but how they dealt with those problems differed. I asked alot of questions and found out my new home had always been like this. Traditions had been passed down and behaviors were expected to fall into the same pattern. This, once again, illustrates Kluckhorn's theory.

As a final note, is it not this universalty that makes good literature good? Can not modern teenagers identify with Romeo and Juliet, Huckleberry Finn, or Odysseus? The similarity of man not only transcends the problem of place, but also that of time.

Comment: Like Essays #5 and #7, Essay #8 discusses Kluckhohn's rhetorical strategies in some detail. Paragraphs one through five show how Kluckhohn defines culture, explains its transmission through "role models," and shows its influence in action. Paragraph six summarizes his ideas about the relative influences of culture and biology. Paragraphs seven through ten then draw on the writer's experience to show how the needs of adolescence and local mores create similarities and differences between the student bodies of two high schools the writer has attended. To introduce this discussion, in paragraph seven the writer notes that Kluckhohn's distinction applies to subcultures as much as cultures; this application of Kluckhohn's idea shows that the writer understands the passage and can apply Kluckhohn's ideas to areas of the writer's own experience that Kluckhohn does not explicitly mention.

As a whole, the essay shows a reasonable understanding of Kluckhohn's ideas and applies those ideas to the author's experience sensibly. Nevertheless, it sometimes reports or exemplifies Kluckhohn's ideas in ways that are not fully satisfactory: in paragraph three, for example, Kluckhohn is not "simplifying" the concept of culture; in paragraph nine, the "surprizingly similar" characteristics of the teenagers in the western high school are not all very convincingly tied to biology rather than to generally-shared American culture. At times, too -- most prominently in the statements about fear of change at the end of paragraph five and about the "universalty" of literature in the final paragraph -- the essay drifts off to obervations not integrated into its central development. In spite of these flaws, however, the essay analyzes and responds to Kluckhohn adequately.

The prose of this essay is serviceable rather than sophisticated. It uses coherence devices competently and at least once consciously patterns sentences to reinforce meaning (see the series of sentences beginning "Gone" in paragraph eight). Though there are occasional instances of awkward phrasing ("deletes any chance," paragraph 2) and syntax ("Man and his problems are universaly the same, but it is his dealing with these problems that is different," paragraph 6), as a whole Essay #8 meets the Subject A standard of competence.

Essay #9 Score 4:

"What constitutes culture?" is a controversial question to which many anthropologist must respond. Culture, as defined by Clyde Kluckhohn, is human nature, the way of life of a people. Each culture differs from the rest because it deals with a different people in a different social environment. Each is defined by generations of ancestors who have set the boundaries of social custom.

I agree with Kluckhohn's view that culture is the result of an individual's upbringing, for I have had the experience of being exposed to two vastly different cultures. When I immigrated to the United States from Vietnam in 1975, I was caught in the midst of two vastly different worlds - the strict, rigid social ideals of my Oriental background, and the carefree, relaxed American lifestyle. Somehow, I must try to achieve a balance of these two worlds.

The American culture was at first an enigma to me. I was just an observer on the edge, looking in. I was intimidated by these Americans who were so forward and outspoken, who were so uninhibited in their speech and action. Contrasted to this is my strict upbringing, which greatly emphasized the "virtues" of meekness and quiescence. I was aghast at the relationship between American children and adults, who converse and interact with each others as friends and equals; I was always expected to respect my elders, to only listen and obey. These differences in American and Vietnamese cultures were not predestined by God, nor do they arise from biological or environmental differences. They result from different ideas and values, different social legacies each group has inherited from its people.

The past twelve years in the United States have radically changed my life, for time has redefined the way I think, feel, and behave. I am no longer hovering on the edge, for I am now an American who has adapted American customs and the American way of life. Yet I still retain Oriental customs and values that have been instilled in me in early childhood. These two cultures have permanently become a part of my self. I am a product of the American and Vietnamese cultures, for I have been brought up by these two peoples.

Comment: Essay #9 falters at the start. In explaining Kluckhohn's ideas about what causes the similarities and differences among the world's peoples, this essay misreports Kluckhohn by saying that he defines culture as "human nature" -- precisely the opposite of what Kluckhohn says. The essay recovers in the next two sentences, which emphasize the importance of tradition in setting "the boundaries of social custom." By discussing the author's experience in the American and Vietnamese cultures, it goes on to show clearly that the author really does understand Kluckhohn's ideas, even if biologically caused similarities are never explicitly mentioned. The discussion of the differences between American and Vietnamese cultures echoes Kluckhohn by emphasizing how they are shaped by "different ideas and values," and the behavioral details the author selects to show the influence of those different values are both evocative and neatly contrasted. The final paragraph, though it raises questions about what "Oriental values and customs" the author has held on to, resolves that opposition in a way that extends Kluckhohn without contradicting him.

The prose of this essay is syntactically sophisticated, particularly in its use of parallel structure, and occasionally shows an ability of think in terms of rhetorical pattern (the repetition of "on the edge" in paragraphs 3 and 4). Its choice of words is often apt. There are errors: "many anthropologist," beginning paragraph one; "I must try" (rather than "I had to try"), end paragraph two; "Contrasted . . . is" (rather than "was"), paragraph three. While native speakers of English might have controlled these features, the errors do not distract the reader significantly. In all, this essay shows a sophisticated command of written English and adequate preparation for University writing.

Sample Essays and Comments —"Unsatisfactory" Essays

Essay #10 Score 3:

Kluckhohn explains the differences and similarities among people of the world as culture. Culture, in this instance, spans a variety of areas. To begin with, culture is the way a person was raised. In addition, it's the values a person was taught. Finally, culture is related to man's biological needs. Habits that a person is taught as a youngster will influence the rest of his life.

Societies have a tendency to have distinct habits that their people live by, First, education is one example. To explain, in some areas of the world children are sent to school until they are 18 and in others they are never educated. Second, what people eat is part of their culture. In Italy people eat pasta on the other hand in Israel people eat fallafels. Finally, a person's dress is influenced by which society he lives in. To further explain, in the U.S. women wear anything from dresses to pants, but currently in Iran women wear dresses only and must wear a veil to cover their face. Certain societies have values that influence their people.

Different civilizations have distinct social values. First, marriages are treated differently. In the U.S. most women feel that polygamy by a man isn't acceptable. Women feel jealous and furthermore it is illegal. On the other hand, a woman of Koryak, Siberia, would not comprehend how a woman could be so selfish and so unwanting of another woman in the house as to wish to restrict her husband to one mate. Certain countries also have religion while others don't. For example, in the U.S.S.R. atheism is the way of the State; in many Mid-East countries Mohammed is worshipped and the Koran is a sacred book. Third, bigotry is not something people are born with, but are taught. Little children play with anyone regardless of color, sex, or religion. Unfortunatly, adults become jealous or dislike a person, and instead of disliking the individual, they will dislike the individual's race, religion, sex, or anything else they can find to dispise. The adults will then teach the children their beliefs and the hatred becomes a never ending chain. Similarities are shown by the fact that man has biological functions that can't be ignored.

Men of all societies can't ignore nature. To start, all men have the same life cycle. This cycle is that all men are born and all men eventually die. Furthermore, no matter what one puts on the body, a man is still a man and a woman is still a woman. In other words, men and women in all societies usually have a tendency to have strong desires towards each other. These desires can be physical or emotional, but they are usually evident. Finally, all men are limited by "mother nature." Certain societies might have a different skin color than another, but all men are limited in what they can eat and personal tools. Certain men cannot eat steel while others can. Furthermore, the only man that is known to fly is Superman, and he has yet to come off the movie screen.

Kluckhohn's explanation of the differences and similarities between the world's peoples appears very logical. People are influenced by habits they were raised by. Furthermore, what ideas humans are taught bears an impact on their lives. Finally, all men are limited by their own physical being.

Comment: This response is a Five-Paragraph Essay, written to formula. It announces three subjects in its first paragraph; it introduces three subtopics in each "body" paragraph; it reiterates -- rather joltingly -- each new subject in the final sentence of the preceding paragraph; it begins its discussion of each subtopic with a transitional expression, appropriate or not. Like many essays so devoted to form, however, this one fails to engage the assigned tasks in any meaningful way. When the essay actually does try to report Kluckhohn's views, it misrepresents him: "Kluckhohn explains the differences and similarities among people of the world as culture," (paragraph 1); "Certain men cannot eat steel while others can" (paragraph 4). Instead of explaining Kluckhohn's views and formulating a response to them, the writer usually lists random claims about different cultures. A much more successful use of a similar organizational strategy -- a use that engages cogently Kluckhohn's central point about the distinction between biology and culture -- can be seen in Essay #3.

While not as simple as those in Essay #13, the sentences of Essay #11 tend to be short and unvaried. Taken with its failure to develop any single example or point, these sentences make the essay seem simple-minded. Though it has few grammatical errors, this essay shows that its writer needs a course in reading accurately and writing analytically before satisfying the Subject A requirement.

Essay #11 Score 3:

In Clyde Kluckhohn's passage, adapted from his book, Mirror for Man, we are given an illumination of anthropology on the concept of culture. He explains that culture is not only derived by "the way we are brought up," but also personal past experiences and the biological properties of the people concerned. As humans we have learned to adapt to our own personal surroundings and have conditioned ourselves and our life styles to revolve around such surroundings by the most comfortable means possible.

As Kluckhohn describes, the technical term of culture has a broader meaning to the anthropologist than the "humble cooking pot", and the "people of culture." He implies that the anthropologist needs to be concerned with all aspects and biological conditions involved that have shaped a society. Humans can be easily understood just by studying their surroundings, and as Kluckhohn has stated, "they can also be easily predicted by knowing a people's design for living."

Kluckhohn describes, that as Americans, we strive for our own personal individuality and appearance; but yet as Americans, or for that matter any nationality, we still basically follow the same given patterns throughout the day. We have conditioned ourselves to such an extent, that our personal routines are done unconsciously. As a society, though, we reflect that given pattern, and when comparing it to another society, we are able to see how the cultures are individual and unique from one another. Such uniqueness is what Kluckhohn is refering to; the American plural wives belief of Siberia compared to the single wife in America, the cultural training and mannerism of the Chinese, and the eating mannerisms of a wife in Arizona. Basically, all of these cultures live under the same laws of nature, and are equiped with the same biological tools. Their uniqueness arises from the individual conditions that their surroundings offer, and their means by which of adapting to them.

Having lived in London last year, for my junior year, I am able to relate to the viewpoints of Kluckhohn; as I traveled to many places dripping with their own uniqueness and culture. In London, I experienced the afternoon tea break and although not conforming to it, the societies acceptance of bathing only a few times a week. In Holland, I depended on bicycles as my main source of transportation for miles around, and viewed the old windmills and thatched roofs that are so typical in the country. In Spain, I watched the old women with carved faces from the intense sun and bandanas tied around their heads, hearding their goats in the fields. In Switzerland, I experienced the uniqueness of the quaint villages clinging to the hillsides, with little houses made to resemble gingerbread houses. Their only means of transportation was the narrow train that went up the mountain twice a day, as they prohibited cars. There, they had the old men hearding their cows down the hillsides, proud of the leader; the one with the biggest bell around its neck. I even feasted on the traditional fondu and sausage that is found to be so typical of Switzerland.

Each of their cultures and customs were unique from one another, as they relied on their own surroundings and the values passed on from their forefathers. The facts of the nature surrounding them, limited their abilities, and each society adapted to it the best they knew how. Although, today, we are smuthered with modern conveniences and technology, these societies conditioned themselves long ago and are continuing to live by their traditional standards.

In Clyde Kluckhohn's passage, we are able to interpret and understand the definition of culture through the eyes of an anthropologist. It is a mixture of the way we were brought up (as the traditions of the past directly effect us), our individual past experiences, and the potentialities found in the equipment that nature and biology have given us. With these experiences and limitations, we have adapted to our surroundings to such an extent, that our personal routines are done almost automatically.

Comment: Essay #11 shows a basic understanding of the parts of the writing task and an attempt to respond appropriately. Its first three paragraphs, however, seem unable to focus on the central distinction Kluckhohn makes between the similarities created by biology and the differences created by culture; though this idea finally appears at the end of paragraph three, the preceding discussion suggests a writer unable to select purposefully from Kluckhohn's presentation rather than summarizing the whole. The sentence concluding paragraph three points up a related difficulty: like several other statements (end paragraph 1; end paragraph 2; sentence 2, paragraph 5), the assertion "Their uniqueness arises from the individual conditions that their surroundings offer" gives the external environment an importance in shaping culture that Kluckhohn denies it. The essay's account of Kluckhohn is thus, in at least one important way, inaccurate as well as unfocused. A similar lack of focus can be seen in paragraph four, the account of the writer's European travels. Admittedly the liveliest part of the essay, the paragraph does not explain how the details it cites show the influence of the cultural values or surroundings mentioned in paragraph five, nor how they illustrate Kluckhohn's ideas about the relationship between biology and culture.

Though this essay usually displays an acceptable range of sentence structure and is not overburdened with grammar and usage errors, its phrasing suggests a writer trying to impress by using "elevated" words and syntax. As a result, Essay #11's phrasing is frequently awkward and imprecise. Some examples: "an illumination of anthropology," "derived by," "conditioning ourselves and our life styles to revolve around such surroundings" (all paragraph 1); "the eating mannerisms of a wife in Arizona" and "their means by which of adapting to them" (both paragraph 3); "Although today we are smuthered with modern conveniences and technology, these societies conditioned themselves long ago . . ." (paragraph 5). Frequently the writer also seems uncertain about when and how to use commas, colons, and semicolons. Essay #11 shows a writer whose command of expository writing at every level will be strengthened by taking a writing course to satisfy the Subject A requirement.

Kluckhohn explained the differences and similarities among the world's peoples by taking different life examples of different cultured people and campared them to another person who was raised up in a different lifestyle. At first, he brought up several questions, asking why certain people do or don't do certain things. These questions were served as guides, which led on to the examples. They also served as attraction to the readers who are curious about different people from another culture. Then he went on to compare people from different cultures in his examples. He compared an American woman, who restricts her husband to only one mate, with a Koryak woman, who shares her husband with another woman; an American raised in China with the Americans raised here in the United States; and lastly, he compared people's reactions from eating the meat of chicken or tuna fish to that of a rattlesnake.

Kluckhohn has a strong point in viewing human's culture. I agree with his definition of culture -- "the part of the environment that is the creation of human beings." People reacts to things differently because they were raised up in different environments with different cultures. No matter who the person is, or where he (or she) was born, his behavior and his personality traits developments would depend on the environment that he is living in. The way people think, feel, react, and behave also are depended upon life experiences. They feel different emotions because they have felt this emotional happiness or sadness before. They think what is right and what is wrong because they have learned from past experiences. They react to different things because they experienced things that please them and the things that displease them. They behave in certain ways because they want to design their way of living into what they have admired from other people's lives.

I was born in Hong Kong, the school systems and the people living there are very strict in comparing with the United States. Over in Hong Kong, students go to school for seven hours and then they would go home and spend another seven or eight hours on homeworks. The school systems really forces you to study and do your homework to stay up with the rest of the class. But yet, the students would accept the homeworks assignments without complaining because they are use to doing so much homeworks and taking the pressure. But as for the United States, if the teacher would give a little more homework or even a quiz, the students would complain so much that you wouldn't believe. I would imagine the average time that an American student would spend to do their homework is maybe three hours per day. I think that this also has a lot to do with the parents of the students. Chinese parents were known to be strict, they raise up their children strictly and limiting their social life. Naturally, the students when they grow up would be more inward and coping the behavior of their parents. But as for here, students were raised up more freely. They have more social life and more things to think about because they are not all limited by their parents. Therefore, they are more outgoing and are more relaxing. People are just the way that they were raised. Raising up in different culture is going to effect the developments of people's behaviors, feelings, personalities, and thinkings. Their attitudes toward things are created and shaped as they experience different situations and by the ideas which they have gotten from their culture.

Comment: Essay #12 shows that its author understands the passage and the task and tries to respond to them appropriately. Discussing the rhetoric of the Kluckhohn passage, the writer states the relationship between Kluckhohn's questions and examples, and explains how Kluckhohn's general method -- comparison -- is worked out in his specific examples. The essay's second paragraph affirms the influence of culture and discusses -- in a way related to Kluckhohn, but not mentioned by him -- how people model themselves on people whose behavior they admire. The third paragraph draws on the writer's experience to show how parental and societal attitudes towards education make for differing student experiences in the United States and Hong Kong. Though it omits any consideration of the similarities caused by biology, the essay's sequence of ideas outlines what could be a marginally acceptable response to the topic.

In spite of some generally acceptable rhetoric and development, however, this essay's language shows its writer's need for preparatory writing instruction -- possibly instruction specifically for non-native speakers. Though it shows a more secure mastery of literate vocabulary and sophisticated syntax than does Essay #15, this essay has significant accumulation and variety of errors in grammar and usage: confusion of -ing and -ed verbals ("by taking different life examples . . . and compared" [paragraph 1]; "more outgoing and more relaxing" [paragraph 3]; misuse of passive verbs ("questions were served as guides," paragraph 1; "the way . . . are depended upon life experiences," paragraph 2); non-idiomatic verb tenses ("the environment that he is living in," paragraph 2) or inconsistent tenses ("students go to school . . . and then would go home;" "Chinese parents were known . . . they raise up . . .," paragraph 3); use of non-idiomatic prepositions ("design into," "admired from," paragraph 2); pluralizing count nouns ("homeworks," "developments," and "thinkings," paragraph 3). In spite of some strengths, this essay shows that its writer needs to develop more consistent control of written English before satisfying the Subject A requirement.

Essay #13 Score 2:

Culture has always been something very important to all of us. No two cultures are alike. Each person has a different view on culture. In the reading ""Mirror for Man"" written by Kluckhohn culture is explained in different ways. His views about culture are very impressive. There are differences and similarities in peoples world's.

We all have some kind of culture. We all act the way we were raise. The way we were raise can vary from one family to the other. One family can raise their children the way the father was raise. Another family can raise them the way the mother was raise. It is the same in all cultures each family will choose one side of their family. Our habbits deppend a lot on where we live and who we live with. We also think different deppending on were we live. For example as mention in the reading "we brush our teeth on arising . . . we eat three meals a day.". For the most part, people do brush their teeth in the morning and do have three meals a day. This makes no difference in were they live. The pattern is the same for most people.

There seem to be more differences in culture then there are similarities. As Kluckhohn mentioned before about American woman "She cannot understand how any woman can fail to be jealous and uncomfortable if she must share her husband with other women." On the other hand we have the "Koryak woman of Siberia" She "would find it hard to understand how a woman could be so selfish and so undesirous of feminine companionship in the home as to wish to restrict her husband to one mate." The difference in sharing a husband is simply because of the place in where they live and also the way they were brought up. A person can be Mexican and act American. It can be possible is the person was brought to the U.S. and raise here. I have a friend he was born in Mexico. His father is American his mother Mexican. At the age of four he was brought to the U.S. and has been living here since then. He was raise the American way. He dosen't speak well spanish and lives different from the Mexicans way. His mother dosen't really talk to him in spanish and that is why his spanish is not so good. Most of his friends are english speaking friends. It doesn't matter were a person is born. What matters is the culture in which the person is being raise in.

As we have seen the examples given by the author are examples we can clearly understand. We can see that culture is very important and also very different. No to countries can have the same culture. Even a state near the border is different. It can be similar in somethings but not in all. The culture of the person would always deppend on the environment, laws that people have to go by, and the person they live with. It is also good to our advantage to have different cultures. Otherwise if we all had the same culture it would be a bore. No-one would enjoy other foods, other ways of looking at things. No-one would appreciate art from another country. It is great to have different cultures. It is also fun because we can expirence many new things.

COMMENT: Essay #13 shows serious weaknesses in coherence at all levels. Although it suggests that its writer has a general understanding that Kluckhohn asserts the primacy of culture in determining how we live, and provides in paragraph three an example of a Mexican boy raised in the United States to support Kluckhohn's point, this essay also disregards a significant part of the first task: in spite of the last sentence in paragraph one, it does not say anything about how Kluckhohn accounts for similarities among the world's peoples, and completely disregards biology's influence. Instead, it elaborates the writer's ideas about the importance of upbringing -- finally, however, converting Kluckhohn's description of specifically American behavior patterns into a paradigm "for most people" at the end of paragraph two. This conclusion fits strangely with the essay's assertions about "the way we were raise" at the beginning of paragraph two, as does the example of the Mexican boy after the summary of Kluckhohn's contrast of Koryak and American women's differing ideas about polygamy.

Essay #13's lack of coherence in paragraph development is mirrored by its primer prose. Its sentences are almost all very short -- ten words or less -- and few make use of grammatical subordination. Lacking links to each other, they seem to be a series of unconnected assertions. Along with occasional problems in syntax ("place in where they live") and verb formation ("was raise"), this essay's deficiencies in coherence suggest that its writer needs intensive writing instruction before satisfying the Subject A requirement.

Essay #14 Score 2:

There are many views of Kluckhohn that explains human behavior. Kluckhohn quotes anthropologist: "because people were brought up that way", which he believes to be shrewd common sense. As children, we are building our behavior. So it is not the way we are brought up, it is the culture we are raised in. Each specific culture has its history and literature that expresses life activities.

An Example of cultural differences is a persons maritual statis. Americans believe haveing more than one spouse is abhorrent. Other cultures that believe in haveing more than one spouse probably don't have a high divorce rate as Americans do. Even though having 2 or 3 spouses may seem like a sin, in a way it is really a blessing.

In spite of peoples cultural differences, Kluckhohn states peoples biological equipment is about the same. Such as birth, illness, old age, and death. All people undergo the same experiences. The pattern of day each culture must have a simular way. The ways are probably a little different. But the cleaning of the body and eating should be the same.

In the newspaper, about a week ago, there was an article about a young girl refusing to dissect a frog because of cultural beliefs. To others this may seem incompotent, but to her it was a sin. The girl was asked to dissect this frog in her science class and if she didn't she would receive a failure notice. Others should try and accept her belief instead of giving her a choice of doing the dissection or failing the class. This is an example of the "either-or" Kluckhohn stated. He says a compromise between nature and the special form of nuture we call culture is abstract.

The reader can agree with Kluckhohn's conclusion on human behavior. The cultural differences justify differences in human thinking. Each cultures history builds the peoples character to believe their culture is true. The human biology and natural laws evolve from the inner human nature of all of us. Kluckhohn justifies this and helps the reader's comprehension of human behavior.

Comment: Essay #14 creates a strong impression of disjointedness. Its incoherence arises from several sources. First, the essay reports Kluckhohn's views in ways that are unclear, and that sometimes suggest basic misunderstanding: for example, the essay asserts that Kluckhohn states an "either-or" about nature and nurture, and that he also claims that the two can be joined in "compromise" that is somehow "abstract" (paragraph 4); it opposes "culture" to "the way we are brought up" (paragraph 1), when for Kluckhohn these terms are synonymous. The essay also lacks any apparent plan. As the reader begins each paragraph, it is unclear even what topic will be treated in it, let alone what idea about that topic the paragraph will develop. Finally, the essay frequently veers off into what appears to be thinking still in progress. In paragraphs two and three, the final sentences seem to represent the writer's own personal speculations about mental status and biology -- speculations that are not made accessible to the reader or given any significance in the essay as a whole. In much the same way, the dissection example in paragraph four must have had meaning for the writer that is not explained to the reader, for whom it is simply inappropriate as a test case for Kluckhohn's views.

The prose of this essay also seems disjointed. Among the specific features contributing to this impression are agreement errors ("views . . . that explains", paragraph 1); incomplete comparisons ("don't have a high divorce rate as Americans do" paragraph 2); sentence fragments ("Such a . . ." and "The pattern . . . ," paragraph 3); and false complementations ("biological equipment . . . such as birth, illness, old age, and death" paragraph 3). Like Essay #13, this essay suggests a need for intensive instruction before its writer will be ready to satisfy the Subject A requirement.

Essay #15 Score 2:

Professor Clyde Kluckhohn explains the differences and similarities among the world's people as a result of the cultural differences, and the biological make up contributes little to it. I disagree to such statment. The diversities of culture in the world we live in is effected by the inheritage, family environment, and the degree of education.

Californians; are crazy about sushi, the kind of food that has not emerged when the pilgrims first arrived on this new land. If people get in a certain manner just because they have been brought up that way, then why can Californians change their traditional preference of tast and except a new form of "bizard" food from Japanese culture, not to mention that sushi is not cooked.

However, not everyone in California enjoy the opportunity of experiencing a great variety of continental food. Some people have inherited traits from their parents thus they will accustome to new form of food that does not belong to their culture, but others can'not. Family environment plays an important role here to increase a person's ability in adapting other culture. As a foreign students from Taiwan, I am used to American way of living. Partly because I have a very westerized grand mother who could speak English. Even though I have spend most of my childhood in a chinese cultural society (attending high school, restricted by Chinese social value), the influence of my grand mother has helped me in adapting American culture faster than average people.

The degree of education a person had is another important factor when we explain the differences and similarities of people in this world. Racism or look down on a particular culture are the attitudes developed by lack of education. Hitler might have come out the conclusion that the elite race is light hair and blue eyes people, but in Taiwan, chinese people usually feel strage and kind of look down on anybody who is "light hair and blue eyes." They are not educated enough to feel that the physical appearance does not represent one's inner abyss -- the way how a person thinks. This has caused numerous warfares and racial conflicts throughout the human history. A great defect in human race.

Professor Kluckhohn is right on the explanation of the similarities of people in our world: "All people undergo the same poignant life experiences... The biological potentialities of the species are blocks with which cultures are built."1 Nevertheless, inhertiage, family, environment, and degree of education are also the main contributions to the differences and similarities of our civilization today.

Comment: This essay attempts to counter Kluckhohn's assertions about the influence of culture on our lives by arguing instead for the importance of "inheritage, family environment, and degree of education," influences which the writer apparently views as separate from culture. (As a refutation, it can be compared with essay #2, which attempts something similar). Adventurous as this response is, the difficulties that mark the essay appear almost immediately: in the first sentence, the writer mistakenly reports that for Kluckhohn not just the differences but also the similarities of the world's people are "a result of cultural differences." The second paragraph, which apparently should demonstrate the influence of "inheritage," instead shows how heritage can be disregarded. Much as do the equivalent paragraphs in Essay #14, paragraphs three and four veer away from the essential issue. In this case, instead of establishing the influence of family environment and degree of education as distinct from culture, paragraphs three and four make observations about the writer's ease of assimilation and the role of ignorance in causing wars. Never does the essay make clear what relationship these forces have to what Kluckhohn defines as culture.

Though this essay shows greater fluency and control of English syntax than does Essay #18, it still includes many indications of a need for intensive instruction in written English. Besides the sentence fragments and agreement errors typical of most essays at this level, this essay includes coined or misused words ("inheritage," "inner abyss," "continental foods"), incorrectly formed verbs ("I have spend," paragraph 3; "food that has not emerged," paragraph 2), confusion of mass and count nouns ("warfares," paragraph 5), misused articles ("adapting other culture," paragraph 3; "throughout the human history," paragraph 4), and non-idiomatic prepositions ("disagree to," paragraph 1; "arrived on this new land," paragraph 2). Essay #15 shows a need for intensive specialized instruction before its writer can satisfy the Subject A requirement.

Essay #16 Score 1:

In Kluckhohn passage he states how people think, feel and behave from different cultures. How the human being trys to understand themselves as a people. Their reactions and behaviors. He explains that people of different cultures react differently because of the way one has been raised. It is a life time process it is passed on from generation to generation. How one is raised during their childhood would mostly reflect on how they will raise their own children. Also the Environment plays a major role in the many different cultures. The living conditions such as: shelter, transportation, education, work and the different food and how they are prepared.

In many cultures one may speak and write differently. The appearance of the cultures are different. But along with the many cultures we are all humans we wash and put on clothes. We do the same things but in a different culture.

In Kluckhohn passage he sates that the American women could not understand how one can share their husband with another mate which is very true. When the Koryak or African women could never be selfish.
The people of all human groups have the same biological equipment. All people under go the same life experiences birth, helplessness, illness, old age, and death.

The differences are between the sexes, the ages, physical strength, and skills of an individual. The facts of nature limits the understanding of the cultural for

The Universitywide Requirement and Examination (Subject A Exam)

Analytical Writing Placement Examination (AWPE)

Other Ways of Fulfilling the Requirement

Analytical Writing Placement Examination Process

Developing the Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination

Setting the Passing Standard

AWPE Scoring Guide

The Universitywide Requirement
and Examination — Its Place in the University Curriculum

Universitywide Analytical Writing
Placement Examination: Design and Expectations

Analytical Writing Placement Examination

AWPE: Measuring Competence

Administration and Grading of
the Analytical Writing Placement Examination

Frequently Asked Questions about
the Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination

Analytical Writing Placement Examination Committee 2004-2005

Sample Examinations

Universitywide Subject A Examination of 1987

About the Topic, Essays and Comments

Essay Topic

Sample Essays and Comments — Three Top-Scoring Essays

Sample Essays and Comments — Three Essays Scoring 5

Sample Essays and Comments — Three "Satisfactory" Essays

Sample Essays and Comments —"Unsatisfactory" Essays

The Universitywide Requirement and Examination (Subject A Exam)

Analytical Writing Placement Examination (AWPE)

Other Ways of Fulfilling the Requirement

Analytical Writing Placement Examination Process

Developing the Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination

Setting the Passing Standard

AWPE Scoring Guide

The Universitywide Requirement and Examination — Its Place in the University Curriculum

Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination: Design and Expectations

Analytical Writing Placement Examination

AWPE: Measuring Competence

Administration and Grading of the Analytical Writing Placement Examination

Frequently Asked Questions about the Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination

Analytical Writing Placement Examination Committee 2004-2005

Sample Examinations

Universitywide Subject A Examination of 1987

About the Topic, Essays and Comments

Essay Topic

Sample Essays and Comments — Three Top-Scoring Essays

Sample Essays and Comments — Three Essays Scoring 5

Sample Essays and Comments — Three "Satisfactory" Essays

Sample Essays and Comments —"Unsatisfactory" Essays

The Universitywide Requirement
and Examination — Its Place in the University Curriculum

Universitywide Analytical Writing
Placement Examination: Design and Expectations

Administration and Grading of
the Analytical Writing Placement Examination

Frequently Asked Questions about
the Universitywide Analytical Writing Placement Examination