During over the past few
decades so many things changed in men and women's roles at work places or at home.
Eventhough some job changes have taken place traditional attitudes didn't change a lot.
For example many women work as a constructor, engineer, and many other
heavy duty works. Men also work as a women's designer or working at the beauty salons.
Also at home, if women have something to do men take care of their children and washing
dishes and if men get too fired women give him to ride to work.
I think traditional attitudes very difficult to change. I realized that
from my own experience. My husband and I marry 9 years ago. And after the marry we were
fighting almost everyday. Because of I was wearing a tightening pants when I went to his
mothers house. And I shouldn't laugh very loud front of my family in lows. I should be
obey to his mother because she always right and should be careful when I sat front of
them. And at home I should be a good cook. We were working at same place for several
years. And when we got home at same time he went to the riving room and I went to the
kitchen directly. While I was making dinner he finished shower and reading the newspapers.
After the dinner I washed dishes and he started watching TV. |
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In this essay, the
student addresses the topic, but she does not maintain a clear focus; while she sets out
in paragraph one to argue that roles have changed but attitudes have not, in the long
third paragraph, she confuses attitude changes with role changes. Following the long
narrative of her own experience, the essay suddenly stops without any further development
or conclusion.
This essay is seriously flawed, marred by multiple errors in
grammar, mechanics, usage, and sentence structure. Since the student's ability to handle
the demands of English syntax and diction is so limited, she will need sustained remedial
work, probably for more than one semester |
